Monday, May 16, 2011

The Redneck Sagittarius

Woooooo-whee! We're getting to the heart of kick-butt redneckery now!

The Sagittarian Redneck has more in common with an inner city gangsta than you would think. They travel in packs. They trust no one other than themselves. They smoke more marijuana than your Dad ever did. They carry guns (hidden without a conceal carry permit or just there on their trucks gun rack).



A lady Redneck Sag (pronounced to rhyme with "badge" or "vadge") can be just as peppery and sporty as her astrological brother. Even when she's trying to sass you she still looks too adorable to get mad at. Taylor Swift comes to mind. Perennially cute and mostly harmless, until you break up with her and she writes a song about you. You can bet your ass it will be catchy too. Sucks for you! Ha ha!

Sagittarius is a mutable fire sign. They do what they wanna do, however they wanna do it and if you get burned by them you are statistically more likely to hear the "Whoooooo-oop!" of them as they ride away (in their rusted-out pick-up with a lift kit, of course) than an earnest, "Sorry". The Sag symbol is the centaur and they live up to it. Half philosopher, spouting their opinions about everything under the sun, willy nilly as if they were fact or charming your Mother, making her giggle like a schoolgirl. Half horses' ass, saying the worst possible thing to you regarding your most touchy subject.

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They call him... Kegasus

At heart, they value honesty. If you want an honest opinion, ask a Sagittarius. They mean what they say and think it's hilarious if you are offended by the truth. Fishing for compliments from the Redneck Sag is futile. My cash/money is on you hearing something you don't want to hear and knowing them, you will hear it in the most offensive way possible.

You will want to smack them and you won't be the only one. Get in line behind their Mama, their Sisters, their 2nd Grade teacher, the guy who sells them their cigs, the regulars at whatever bar they happen to launch themselves into, their Preacher, their boyfriend, their best friend in all the world, etc.

The fact remains that the redneck Sagittarius is incredibly fun. Nobody has fun like these Jupiter-ruled scamps. We're not talking happy-go-lucky times at the Fun-n-Wheels. We're talking legendary, loud, filthy, neighbors callin' the law on you good times. Just do your damnedest to get out of there before you see the blue lights but after someone falls over and breaks the coffee table.

Getcha some of the stories of the Greek/Roman Gods. Then read about all the shit that Zeus/Jupiter pulled. It's not a stretch of the imagination to imagine the Redneck Sag pulling some of that mess on friends and loved ones, and good luck to total strangers to which they feel the least amount of obligation to.

The Grandson of Hank Williams puts it rather elegantly:



Poor Redneck Sag, it must've been them pills they took.

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