Quick 'n' Dirty Holiday Gift Guide

Shopping season is upon us and it's time to start picking out that special gift for your loved ones. Some people are just flat out easy to shop for. You take them to a place just to "look around" they they just go straight to whatever they're interested in, pick it up and tell you about it. Mental notes are taken, and you're practically done. Some people are really hard to shop for. For whatever reason, you just don't know what the hell they want and a gift card just seems so impersonal. Here's a guide to gift-giving for each sign. Hell, I'll even break it down by price range.

Let's hit it!

The Redneck Pisces

Come with me now. Dig, if you will, the picture. You are walking through what used to be a Roses but has now turned into a permanent flea market. There are rough and shady characters admiring "authentic replica" samurai swords with Confederate flags on them. There are barefoot, sticky-handed children tearing up and down the labyrinthine aisles. You spy a middle-aged couple tenderly holding hands in front of a table. You sidle up next to them to see what is capturing their attention. These two dreamy-eyed lovers are admiring several dream-catchers with dyed blue and purple feathers and tie-dyed t-shirts with howling wolves and dolphins drifting through space.

You have found the lair of the Redneck Pisces. Obvious exits are West, South and an indoor hot-dog stand/sno cone machine. What will you do?

Double Trouble! Continued

I last left you, my little kittens with mittens was in the paws of Leo. I won't be doing that again anytime soon, I promise. We're going to continue along the zodiac with the next pair of signs and what chemical reactions happen when they're stuck in an elevator together.

You can bet your bonnet that two Virgos won't be livin' it up while they're goin' down. They'll be to busy worrying about whether they are late or not all the while wondering what Cherie Berry is really like.