tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-42258407188845695472024-03-13T04:36:41.292-04:00Unsolicited Astrological OpinionsAstrology has been a great interest of mine for many years and very few people can astrologically read a bitch like I can. The library is open!Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17968647812236409036noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4225840718884569547.post-27179968794751082102016-02-24T22:41:00.003-05:002016-02-24T22:41:31.597-05:00Feminine/Masculine Energy<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
How unenlightened to just divide the zodiac into the basic, boring binary of feminine and masculine energy, right? That's just how they did it, but not every sign fits so easily into these categories and not every person's gender fits well into the sign that they were born in.<br />
It's more of a sliding scale sort of thing, isn't it?<br />
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<a name='more'></a>First of all, when I use the terms masculine or feminine nature, I'm referring to people on the soul level, not their physical bodies. Gender is a spectrum and many people do not identify as one or the other but some place in between or a blend of concepts. For the sake of simplicity, I'm exploring individuals who have one more dominant than the other and how they fit into the masculine or feminine vibrations of their Sun sign.<br /><br />
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<b>Aries</b>/<span style="color: blue;">Masculine</span>: Masculine fire. Le swoon. For people who have a strong masculine nature, whatever gender they identify with this sign fits like a glove. They are always "on"and in motion. They'd rather act than react. Those born under this sign with a more feminine nature are like a fish out of water, except the fish don't give a damn, then went and grew legs. Everybody else who knows them looks at the juxtaposition and think, "What the actual fuck?" and "I'm so glad you're my friend." If there's someone who will burn cities to the ground for you, it's an Aries. <br />
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<b>Taurus</b>/<span style="color: #741b47;">Feminine</span>: Feminine earth. Totally makes sense. For those with a feminine nature, this sign provides the scaffolding needed to build an empire for themselves. They live to surround themselves with all things beautiful, comfortable and comforting. For those with a masculine nature, this self-sustaining energy is stifled considerably. They are hard workers but typically wait until the work finds them, insists on being worked upon and will not go away until it is finished off.<br />
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<b>Gemini</b>/<span style="color: #6fa8dc;">Masculine</span>: Masculine air. First slightly odd combo. This combo works way better for people with a feminine nature than it does for those with a masculine one. The signs' MO relates to communication, learning and travel. For those with a more feminine nature, this sign expresses itself in a nature that's light hearted without being heartless. A more masculine nature under this sign comes off as careless or harsh. Even worse, they can appear to be suave to hide this inner lack of caring.<br />
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<b>Cancer</b>/<span style="color: #c27ba0;">Feminine</span>: Feminine water. This sign errs strongly in the favor of people with a feminine nature. Those with a masculine nature in this sign come off kind of weird. They are absolutely lovely people but their almost total rejection of all things traditionally masculine can put some people off. Those with a feminine nature come off as really gentle but strong people who never give up on their vivid dreams. <br />
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<b>Leo</b>/<span style="color: blue;">Masculine</span>: Masculine fire. Unlike Aries, people who identify as masculine, feminine or anything in between can exist really comfortably and with great panache. The sass is strong with this one and they will pull people into their world with ease. They are natural leaders and their magnetism is magic.<br />
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<b>Virgo</b>/<span style="color: #c27ba0;">Feminine</span>: Feminine Earth. Here's yet another sign where masculine types totally get the shaft. They can get into borderline Pygmalion-level creepiness in their efforts to help people. More feminine types definitely have the edge here. They work tirelessly towards their goals and people greatly admire them for their efforts. Whenever I think of Virgo, I think of an exhausted Nurse at the end of the shift, doggedly moving through the endless to-do list.<br />
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<b>Libra</b>/<span style="color: #6fa8dc;">Masculine</span>: Masculine Air. Libras deeeeeeeefinitely go both ways. Libra is all about balance and you need two (or more) things to balance. If I had to pick, despite being a masculine sign, Libra is ruled by Venus and has a slightly feminine cast to it. It's more like a Feminine: 51% Masculine 49% kind of thing though.<br />
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<b>Scorpio</b>/<span style="color: #4c1130;">Feminine</span>: Feminine Water. This sign is feminine in the most powerful, fierce, snake-eyed sort of way. Hillary Clinton is a Scorpio. Oh yes. Scorpios do not mess around. I'm kind of surprised that Bill is still alive, after that astrological revelation. Like, really surprised. I imagine that he suffers daily. Because he deserves it.<br />
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<b>Sagittarius</b>/<span style="color: #134f5c;">Masculine</span>: Masculine Fire. On this one, the people with a more masculine energy win out here. BIG TIME. It's not even fair. Once you mix the goofball Sag with feelings, an explosion of awkward that could rival Krakatoa happens...constantly. As a Sag rising sign, this is a constant thing in my life. I can't even imagine the full-blown awkward of being a Sag sun sign who is femme.<br />
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<b>Capricorn</b>/<span style="color: #990000;">Feminine</span>: Feminine Earth. People with feminine natures have a major advantage. People who have a masculine nature can seem overly cold and emotionless even if they feel strongly. This definitely puts them at a major disadvantage in their personal relationships. Unlike their jobs, they can't just throw hard work or money at a relationship and magically make it work.<br />
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<b>Aquarius</b>/<span style="color: #76a5af;">Masculine</span>: Masculine Air. OMG. Poor feminine-identifying Aquarians. We have so many thoughts and feelings and we just can't even. Truly. we're super expressive, even verbose but we can't wrap our heads around our own feelings. For those with a masculine nature, everything is alarmingly simple. Damn you.<br />
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<b>Pisces</b>/<span style="color: #e06666;">Feminine</span>: This is one of the rare ones where someone who is more of a neutral type could clean the hell up. Being too overly masculine or feminine makes things incredibly difficult for the wishy washy, dreamy fish.<br />
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Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17968647812236409036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4225840718884569547.post-51554898177063943502016-02-17T22:22:00.002-05:002016-02-17T22:22:27.473-05:00Be my compatabilibuddy?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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One big thing that people like to know about is astrological compatibility. How do the signs get along with each other? Will we fall in love? Will we get along? Will we both try to poison each other and die at the same time? Will we meet, then find each other boring? In what order will these things happen? etc.<br />
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That depends on several factors:<br />
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1. The elements of the signs. (Air, Earth, Fire, Water)<br />
2. The polarity of the signs. (Feminine/Masculine)<br />
3. The modality of the signs (Cardinal, Mutable, Fixed)<br />
4. Rising signs/venus signs/moon signs, etc (What signs were present at the horizon and planet of venus and the moon. You can throw Mars signs in too if you feel like it.)<br />
<br />Ideally, you want these factors to be complimentary for the best outcome. People will often say that they're nothing like their Sun sign but when you dig further in their chart, their personality shows through. An Aries with a Virgo rising sign isn't going to act like a typical Aries. Their personality will be tempered with the earthiness of Virgo and they will still be part hell-raising ram but it might be applied in a more calculated and complex way.<br />
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Find your rising sign <a href="http://www.horoscopeswithin.com/calculate.php">here.</a><br />
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The rising or ascendant sign is often the part of you that you show to the world. Some of the qualities in your rising sign may be your favorite things about yourself. Depending on the combination, you might notice some conflicting, complimentary or just straight up weird trends. I'm an Aquarius Sun and Sagittarius Rising. Those two signs are extremely complimentary and the air can occasionally whip the fire into a frenzy. When I'm happy, I can seem a little manic and I like that. My enthusiasm is legendary.<br />
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Don't put too much weight into just your Sun sign. It's a piece of the whole puzzle that is your birth chart. Anybody could be compatible with anybody. There are some blends that just work together better than others. For example, if you catch me dating a Capricorn again just shoot me. My ghost will forgive you. Unless they have like, a Pisces ascendant, Venus in Libra and Mars in Sagittarius or something. I could probably wing that.<br />
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Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17968647812236409036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4225840718884569547.post-60084785163934914292016-02-15T18:41:00.000-05:002016-02-15T18:41:02.349-05:00Beautiful new header thanks to Day of the Doodles!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Thank you, Day of the Doodles for the beautiful new header!<br />
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Check out their etsy shop here: <a href="https://www.etsy.com/shop/geekhandmade" target="_blank">Day of the Doodles</a><br />
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I've worked with them on numerous occasions and I've never been disappointed.</div>
Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17968647812236409036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4225840718884569547.post-64694227613318718642016-01-28T20:37:00.001-05:002016-01-29T14:35:56.272-05:00Lovey Dovey<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
While it's easy to dwell on the negative, every sign in the zodiac possesses some qualities that are straight up dreamy. What do people love about you and your sign?<br />
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Let's do this alphabetically, just for weirdness' sake.<br />
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<b>Aquarius</b>: You are very much yourself and it inspires others to be themselves. Keep the faith without fear or reservation. "The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well." -Joe Ancis. People love the way you encourage them.</div>
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<b>Aries</b>: You are never afraid to break the ice and go first. Introverts secretly love the shit out of you for taking the heat. Don't stop believin'! People love your DGAF attitude.</div>
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<b>Cancer</b>: You love so deeply and give so much of yourself. You could give a damn if people "deserve" it or not. You know well that the people who are the most difficult to love need it the most. The world needs you. People love how you make them feel.</div>
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<b>Capricorn</b>: You are unfazed by dirty work. You jump right in, up to your elbows to get things done. You don't care if people are thankful. You don't need applause to feel fulfilled. People can learn a lot about self-reliance from you.</div>
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<b>Gemini</b>: You don't hold onto anything that would hurt you. It's easy for you to see that letting go is the first step in making things right. People love how free you are and the feeling is contagious.</div>
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<b>Leo</b>: When you're in a fine mood, you shine like the damn sun. You express your displeasure just as clearly. You are able to get what you want out of life because you express yourself without doubt. People love that you're a straight shooter, no matter how high you may climb.</div>
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<b>Libra</b>: You are tough but pleasant. You expect a lot out of people and something about you makes them want to rise to the occasion. Even if you're not into fashion, you've got a lot of panache. People love you for you. D'aww.</div>
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<b>Pisc</b><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><b>es</b>: You are so easy to be around. Even if you're one awkward son-of-a-bitch, people will want to be near you. You're a dreamer of sorts and the possibilities you see are exciting. People love you for what you can and will create.</span></div>
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<b>Sagittarius</b>: You can talk to anyone about anything and most of the time you actually know what you're on about. You are crazy-charming and everybody's Mom loves you. People love that you can make anything fun.</div>
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<b>Scorpio</b>: You are incredibly tough and loyal. The people who know you well are braver in their pursuits because they know you have their back. People love you for your serious but sneakily sarcastic nature.</div>
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<b>Taurus</b>: You are a human teddy bear. For real. You're affectionate and gentle with others. You are a fan of material things but you don't mind sharing with people who don't suck. They should be thrilled 'cause you've got amazing taste. People love you because you're an aesthete with a heart of gold.</div>
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Virgo: You're great at "making it work ". Tim Gunn is your fairy Godfather and he is beaming at you with pride. You're constantly busy but you do it with such grace. You make everything look easy. People know that it isn't and they admire you, even if it's occasionally in a begrudging manner.</div>
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Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17968647812236409036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4225840718884569547.post-14738298830813031592016-01-27T20:14:00.003-05:002016-01-27T21:48:25.175-05:00So many feelings<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Hi everybody! Some signs are way better with the whole feelings thing than others are. Duh-doy. Clouds also appear in a myriad of shapes, or so I hear. Brushing aside the obvious, let's discuss the hows and whys of how some signs appear to be emotional savants and others need flow charts, puppets and fill-in-the-blank notes to even recognize feelings.<br>
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Let's hit it!<br>
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<a name="more"></a>Ouch! Not that hard.<br>
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Surprise, bitch! We're starting with Pisces this time. Eat it up Pisces friends!<br>
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<b>Pisces</b> people are next level when it comes to understanding emotions...just not theirs. They're natural observers and because people find them really easy to be around they tend to let their freak flags fly. Friends and strangers just sort of drop their guard when they are around the Pisces. This can lead to occasional awkwardness but they take it with a gentle smile. Their own emotions require constant filtering and processing to be manageable. They can't just let them sit there or it will make a spectacular mess.<br>
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<b>Aquarians </b>don't have feelings. They know that feelings are real and that other people have them but they just do not compute. We're idea people, we're great with ideas. There's a chance that if an Aquarius has a more enlightened rising sign or moon sign that they'll be somewhat more capable of dealing with emotions. Otherwise, this is what you get.<br>
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<b>Capricorns</b> can only deal with their own emotions. There are precisely two of them: happy and angry. Happy appears shows up wearing the mask of quiet content. Angry shows up like a war-band with pyrotechnics. They will burn down your ancestral home and salt the earth. Capricorn has no time to deal with the feelings of others. They could give a damn.<br>
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<b>Sagittarius</b> and emotions are comparable to a rag-tag losing hockey team who has all the spirit in the world but no talent for the game. They have so many feelings and have no idea how to express them appropriately, wisely or in ways that people can observe them and recognize the emotion. Yeah. The Sag is a little hopeless at dealing with their own issues but they're kind-hearted people and if they can help someone they will try their hardest.<br>
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<b>Scorpio</b> is trapped in a glass case of emotion. Just kidding! That might suggest that their emotions are transparent in any way. Haha! Their inner feelings are opaque and deep enough to dive in. They feel every emotion powerfully and they feel for others too, despite their stoic appearance. Scorpio doesn't let their emotions show in a way that would convey weakness. Even when they are crying, they never let you forget that they could kick your ass.<br>
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<b>Libra </b>uses emotions to manipulate. That's not always a bad thing. They use them like paints to create, change and express for themselves and others. Librans work hard to maintain a balance in their inner lives. This is essential for their happiness and health. They work their manipulative magic to make sure that those close to them remain balanced as well for the same reasons.<br>
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<b>Virgo</b> is fairly uncomfortable with displays of emotion that they feel are excessive. They're the moderates of the zodiac and they keep things cute and controlled. Smiles, yes. Jumping up and down, no. A few tears, yes. Ugly crying, absolutely not. Other peoples' emotions are tended to gently and thoughtfully. Would you expect any less?<br>
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<b>Leo</b> doesn't do so consciously, but they don't register other peoples' feelings as being as important, valid or vivid as their own. Their own emotions loom so large that those of the peasantry (everyone else) just aren't as important. They will not apologize either.<br>
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<b>Cancer</b> is the most expressive with their emotions of any sign. They don't give a damn about what others think, they feel all of the feelings. They are represented by the crab and their tough shell protects them from the hardest bumps. Because of this, they feel safe to truly express themselves. They are great at reading other people and supporting them.<br>
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<b>Gemini </b>experiences and processes their emotions swiftly. They never stay one way for long. With the more negative emotions, this works out really well. When the more positive emotions fly by and leave them a little cold, they can often go on a thrill-seeking spiral downwards. They tend to avoid dealing with other people's negative emotions but actively seek out the positive ones. They can end up being an unintentionally fair weather friend.<br>
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<b>Taurus </b>experiences their emotions fully and very slowly. They take a long time to heat up and an even longer time to cool down. If they are angry at you, you had best watch the fuck out. If they are happy with you, expect sweet smiles. They are good natured people and they're pretty good at helping others through their own emotions.<br>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitUWy7hVzU8JFbnpJteqIeL9vmyl_y1qY4C1Zyw190EEH5IoQ3wu_DpuiSKK24gqMYYDC37fZM32BSJ0FrNpP25uFCgCaVWTvu3tAp6IsKCbPOXq7FMpahpOhw2o7OyvmeHe9kT4TuzXc/s1600/crybaby.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="158" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitUWy7hVzU8JFbnpJteqIeL9vmyl_y1qY4C1Zyw190EEH5IoQ3wu_DpuiSKK24gqMYYDC37fZM32BSJ0FrNpP25uFCgCaVWTvu3tAp6IsKCbPOXq7FMpahpOhw2o7OyvmeHe9kT4TuzXc/s320/crybaby.gif" width="320"></a></div>
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<b>Aries </b>experiences everything fast and furiously. Even when they're so happy, they could still totally slap someone. Joyfully. If they are upset, they will definitely slap you. Joyfully. Even if they just do so in their mind. Other people's emotions only exist if they stand in the way of the Aries getting what they want. They will be brushed aside. Snap.<br>
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Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17968647812236409036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4225840718884569547.post-60085502096048016542015-12-30T19:21:00.005-05:002015-12-30T19:24:00.756-05:00The tumblr'd and the dead<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
It's possible that you too are a rabid internet connoisseur and you've seen images listing different zodiac signs, perhaps dividing them into "squads". Personally, I find these to be hilarious and entertaining. I love it when they take something super specific and then proceed to list 8 out of the 12 signs of the zodiac as belonging to that squad.<br />
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Did I lose you? Have some samples:<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXHtjuZS08mfomIbzh_m4hyEqz8scOH6t86kfcw9-cfCc39p6PSFy_O76Q4lCLzyLzudLytaFBARpxQQMgTzFjtEvQ5Y41ZNfKzT86QmUUpX6vj2MiiVX_bUFN57P6iMgTHbLmrzL10PY/s1600/tumblrastrology1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXHtjuZS08mfomIbzh_m4hyEqz8scOH6t86kfcw9-cfCc39p6PSFy_O76Q4lCLzyLzudLytaFBARpxQQMgTzFjtEvQ5Y41ZNfKzT86QmUUpX6vj2MiiVX_bUFN57P6iMgTHbLmrzL10PY/s320/tumblrastrology1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This one is pretty damn accurate.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAq5u_VgEWhDGvh0J3wpPmideNzejG7NqLPuh7OFxCdyooGsNB6HQTHY9KUkOV0JOsICao75R8qh7V2bYegXNKEt396HWAg33mIgEC9Qp5nyaBQccO3v-u_2bmmTjszN8f9GyqouUWM9E/s1600/tumblrastrology2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="258" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAq5u_VgEWhDGvh0J3wpPmideNzejG7NqLPuh7OFxCdyooGsNB6HQTHY9KUkOV0JOsICao75R8qh7V2bYegXNKEt396HWAg33mIgEC9Qp5nyaBQccO3v-u_2bmmTjszN8f9GyqouUWM9E/s320/tumblrastrology2.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is literally every sign in the zodiac...what?</td></tr>
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<b>These short and sweet blurbs of astrological nonsense are super fun. Though they're clearly designed to be lighthearted, some are pretty damn accurate, astrologically speaking. Here are some of my favorites.</b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyxLqZIytRl-8n4FEoWZA5M876xc2DGl1_gXkA6VkbmzyZEhkgBBNuzC7pktM6yWBv7mFIYV5rauwBCsDtIxFKhbB2kYKZg-4LsIrvqjyLa8rBwGWMityS7XVvuyihMMYG8ovrYHBINq0/s1600/best4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyxLqZIytRl-8n4FEoWZA5M876xc2DGl1_gXkA6VkbmzyZEhkgBBNuzC7pktM6yWBv7mFIYV5rauwBCsDtIxFKhbB2kYKZg-4LsIrvqjyLa8rBwGWMityS7XVvuyihMMYG8ovrYHBINq0/s320/best4.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Accurate as helllllll.</b></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimHZroZNilH7NmGyaQUZIxKLqzxHwc_1wjJLY12rroQP0J28V0HyLWF931P9j-JfT8NHtTjY7gVupK_9ZfDhZzZ7M2R8TlkXag8f8m9ejnHexXr2rQVv6k7q1UWzPC40J1mhiPyFtrp_A/s1600/best1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="302" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimHZroZNilH7NmGyaQUZIxKLqzxHwc_1wjJLY12rroQP0J28V0HyLWF931P9j-JfT8NHtTjY7gVupK_9ZfDhZzZ7M2R8TlkXag8f8m9ejnHexXr2rQVv6k7q1UWzPC40J1mhiPyFtrp_A/s320/best1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Hahaha!</b></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl1nJA9m9k8j8s7EjOC2Vl5Mub2-a0BDg3YgU0yr7ixbUyqfYAvG7dZdoR9ggtpOcz4nw7NigguPF_VUoIZWRvScIcmvxB0h5oVrTUQY6v7tv0YV2eHxq1uTlmCtCTtjrbtBTH73vaP6o/s1600/best3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="252" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl1nJA9m9k8j8s7EjOC2Vl5Mub2-a0BDg3YgU0yr7ixbUyqfYAvG7dZdoR9ggtpOcz4nw7NigguPF_VUoIZWRvScIcmvxB0h5oVrTUQY6v7tv0YV2eHxq1uTlmCtCTtjrbtBTH73vaP6o/s320/best3.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Hands down, this is the most accurate thing I have ever seen in my life.</b></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihRzHooEQEcemnzQAHKLzyk4h7MEJtuQRvK2MsPb9jmYmBF1M7Hl7Xv6HXia4s_n_JD9GQiYDSMOF7V44PUGYn2liBGuBqhMt8p3Uxxziv1kzx7eO-Z9nwbW3aETAJW1aVQgK0dddnKII/s1600/best2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihRzHooEQEcemnzQAHKLzyk4h7MEJtuQRvK2MsPb9jmYmBF1M7Hl7Xv6HXia4s_n_JD9GQiYDSMOF7V44PUGYn2liBGuBqhMt8p3Uxxziv1kzx7eO-Z9nwbW3aETAJW1aVQgK0dddnKII/s320/best2.jpg" width="278" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Insulting but true, which is even more insulting.</b></td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_ofGXJKFr8Jt_x0CkW5pY6LqjoTmV1PPdw-6gR7R9oI4AVCScYtnj56twSMoxKwwFf5No8J-Eh-5ynd8citXTM9-uIWx7lFturC129_MvdTl_Tq57VkLkiBn7f3D9FqhHAa8wG32ue_E/s1600/worst2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a> <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipuF6QO3Wo73ra1hEFchVmGDELbo3ubQ__g_uSJ7V0RmAHu0w2oSfAxgAN7gygNLQWcdUqdMQox2HL0wUl4DUv0tG6FtU-7TOhdQ2OEG4Bu-f5jzSz47TK-rEiD0_dFk9pH50RFTZW56E/s1600/best1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj44FfuVtqxWhs-m7UiE1SKY2wj2F6eqySN0rmmVUJJYTCu3NyDKGuf_lmP_QLhsLF5XuVVVLnk89U7S2tZ5ltLozi05CnnBOkEl6MhVimfkMOw3XjRdQvbmpB7mhSNwtJ7lSFCwElb4c/s1600/worst3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="245" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj44FfuVtqxWhs-m7UiE1SKY2wj2F6eqySN0rmmVUJJYTCu3NyDKGuf_lmP_QLhsLF5XuVVVLnk89U7S2tZ5ltLozi05CnnBOkEl6MhVimfkMOw3XjRdQvbmpB7mhSNwtJ7lSFCwElb4c/s320/worst3.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Um, excuse you.</b></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17968647812236409036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4225840718884569547.post-27572568852804784112015-12-19T18:30:00.001-05:002015-12-19T18:30:45.615-05:00Inertia is a property of matter and a pain in the ass<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Anybody can get stuck in a rut. It's one of the easiest things in the
world. Getting out of a slump of a rut is the hard part. Some of us
thrash around wildly, trying to free ourselves from the sticky muck of
life. Some of us give in and let the muck take us. It could be worse, we
think. Each sign deals with these feelings differently and it can take a
special strategy to get out of the rut.<br />
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<b>Aries</b>
in a rut. The Aries is usually outta there before a rut can even take
hold on their lives. Even so, the best way for them to break away from
the strains of daily life is to participate in some rigorous physical
activity. When their hearts are pounding, the rest of the world just
sort of fades away.<br />
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<b>Taurus</b> in a rut. The Taurus
is actually the most comfortable in a rut of any sign. They spend their
lives looking for the ideal routine and when they find it, they will
wallow in its muck serenely. Should they find this rut to be
increasingly uncomfortable, sort of an emotional bed sore if you will,
they will slowly but surely climb out of their rut and seek a different
rut. They will do it at their own speed, and in their own way.<br />
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<b>Gemini</b>
in a rut. Gemini energy is the opposite of a rut. The only way they
could be in a rut, is if they are constantly changing just for the sake
of change. Throwing something away just because they can, just because
the novelty has worn off, etc. Anybody with a modicum of maturity, could
see that this is a very self destructive rut to be in. Gemini gets out
of their "ruts" through sort of a learning process. They get out part of
the way, then go back, learn some more, get out a little more, come
back, grow up a little, then get out of the rut. This process happens at
lightning speed though.<br />
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<b>Cancer</b> in a rut. Cancer
enjoys a healthy routine to their lives. They were built to cycle
through emotions like the phases of the moon. They're like the ocean,
taking in whatever comes then tossing it to shore however they feel.
Ruts for them aren't as stifling as they are for some other signs.
They've built some flexibility into their comfort zones. To get out of a
rut, a Cancer has to really want it. It also would have to be extremely
negative for them to have the motivation to get out.<br />
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<b>Leo</b>
in a rut. Being a fixed, Leo adapts better to a rut than any other fire
sign. Leos love comfort and they're the rulers of their domain
partially because it lets them set the standards and expectations. A rut
where they feel like anything less than a first class citizen will not
do for them and they will claw their way out of it in any way that they
can.<br />
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<b>Virgo</b> in a rut. Virgos love, love, love
routine! They will organize their lives and yours too so that things
move smoothly. If a Virgo wants to get out of any kind of a routine,
it's probably related to the fact that chaos has crept into it somehow.
To many variables make Virgo nervous and they will find a way to cut out
the variables to make sure that their lives go according to their
well-documented plans. Virgo will chart, plot and find the most
efficient way out of a routine that doesn't work for them.<br />
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<b>Libra</b>
in a rut. When Libra finds themselves in a rut, they sort of flounder.
They have no problem helping others with this issue. When a friend comes
to them with a problem, they work to solve it quickly and skillfully.
They have a really hard time turning putting these skills to use with
themselves, though. It will take quite a kick in the ass for Libra to
make any changes for themselves though. The symbol for Libra is the
scales and for them, it can take two to balance them out and create a
healthy equilibrium.<br />
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<b>Scorpio</b> in a rut. A Scorpio
in a rut is a shady, cruel, nasty creature. Scorpio needs some kind of
fun in their lives and if they find themselves in a negative rut, they
will slowly self-destruct. It's painful to see, because they are
passionate people and their wells run deep. They have a lot to offer the
world but a Scorpio in a rut doesn't have much to offer other than the
finger. To get out of a negative rut, Scorpio has to sort of retreat
from the world and clean themselves out. Nobody can do it for them, and
they have to want to do it. It takes an evolved person to realize that
you're making an absolute mess out of everything and need to start over.<br />
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<b>Sagittarius</b>
in a rut. Not bloody likely. Sagittarius is similar to Gemini in that,
for them, change is the only constant. Sagittarius lets go of anything
they don't need very easily and being in a rut is just bad for them.
They can't do it, even if it's for their own good. Routine is stifling
and they avoid it at all costs.<br />
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<b>Capricorn</b> in a
rut. Capricorns LOVE ruts, routines, patterns, the ol' tried and true.
Once they find a way that works they will stick with it until the day
they die and pass it on to their children and their grandchildren.
Nothing will get a Capricorn out of their rut except for the end of
their mortal lives. Even then, you might see their ghosts wandering
through the house, washing on Monday, ironing on Tuesday, mending on
Wednesday, and so on.<br />
<br />
<b>Aquarius</b> in a rut. We
Aquarians are bizarre but we still kind of like having our own peculiar
routines that don't make sense to anybody else. These routines are
comforting and they only get more peculiar as time wear on. They make
connections that make sense to nobody else, and are probably reason that
certain cataloging systems (ie Dewey Decimal System) were invented.
Aquarius, even when they are entrenched in their own weirdness only
rarely feel that they are stuck in a rut. Strangely enough, they just do
more of the same things they usually do, just more enthusiastically to
get rid of that feeling.<br />
<br />
<b>Pisces</b> in a rut. Being
in a rut is entirely unsuitable for the Pisces. They have to have ample
space to move freely in their lives. The word "panic" doesn't often
enter into their vocabulary but it goes with the image of a fish
flopping and gasping for air. The Pisces is born to run, but if they are
given too much space, that's just as bad as being closed in. They won't
stay in that rut for long, they will break themselves out of any prison
that would hold them in.</div>
Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17968647812236409036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4225840718884569547.post-88924684420914600882015-12-10T10:54:00.000-05:002015-12-10T10:54:30.169-05:00Earth! Fire! Wind! Water! Heart! With your powers combined, this is a post.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Each sign has an "element" that goes with it. Earth, Fire, Air and Water. Each sign among them is paired with a sort of energy. Fixed energy is akin to potential energy. A person under a fixed sign is more than just stubborn, when their mind is made up they are immovable. Cardinal energy is more like kinetic energy. A person under a cardinal sign is very busy. Very busy telling you what to do, mainly. Mutable energy is a bit more of a wild card. A person under a mutable sign doesn't mind giving and taking in interactions. They're okay with being the one who tells others what to do as well as taking orders occasionally.<br />
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These different energy types match with an element in each sign. Each match gives a sign it's main characteristics that are the backbone of its personality. I usually just talk mess about the signs, so I promise to say at least once nice thing about each sign this time.<br />
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<b>Aries</b> is a cardinal fire sign. BAM. If anybody knows how to get something started it's the Aries. Keeping it going however...is definitely someone else's job. The fire element shines very brightly in Aries. They are hot-blooded, exciting and active people. The cardinal energy is expressed in their interactions with others. Aries is more of a taker than a giver and they will do so without giving a damn. Do not expect them to respond to subtle suggestions that they give you a break. You will have to spell it out for them and then convince them it was their idea. When it's their idea, they're off like a shot!<br />
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Aries is like the sunshine that wakes up the world after a long winter.</div>
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<b>Taurus</b> is a fixed earth sign. If anybody knows how to create a stable environment, it's the Taurus. Here's a combination that makes sense. Earth should be fixed, damn it. Starting something completely different is not in their wheelhouse whatsoever. They are the type of who have to be dragged kicking and screaming into the future. They'll settle in okay, because that's what they do but the anticipation of having to leave something behind is very unsettling to them. The Earth element appears in their warm, gentle nature. They may be sweeties but they will not be pushed around by anybody. Ever.<br />
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Taurus is the warm and nurturing soil that supports life. </div>
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<b>Gemini</b> is a mutable air sign. If anybody knows how to keep things exciting and ever-changing it's the Gemini. Their mutability is evident across their entire personality. Gemini is up for anything and they don't care who's the boss as long as they're having fun. The airy quality is represented in their quick intelligence and light-hearted outlook on life. They can also be a little careless, not because of any meanness but due to their lack of attachment and lack of a need to boss, own or demand.<br />
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Gemini is the sweet air of spring, carrying the fleeting scent of blossoms. </div>
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<b>Cancer</b> is a cardinal water sign. We've made our first go-round of energy types. Take what you remember about the cardinal energy in Aries, but apply it to water. Think of how the ocean erodes and wears away everything that it swallows up. Even jagged, broken glass becomes smooth and beautiful under the influence of water. The only problem is, those who interact with Cancer who don't want to be reshaped, even if it would be for the better. Cancer takes it personally and is hurt by this reaction to their well-meaning influences.<br />
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Cancer is the ceaseless pounding of the ocean, beautiful and a little dangerous.</div>
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<b>Leo</b> is a fixed fire sign. As we are only living in a semi-incarnate version of the dark ages now, we know that the sun appears to travel across the sky as the day wears on. Leos symbol is the sun. Think of the sun at high noon, when it appears fixed to the top of the heavens and is beaming down intensely over all. That is the fixed fire of Leo. They are a little intense. All that hot-blooded energy of a fire sign, focused. Like a laser. They have a lot of positive qualities but like the other fixed signs, they are incredibly stubborn as well. Think of those moments when the sun seems to linger forever on the edge of the horizon painting the sky brilliant colors. That's a fixed fire as well.<br />
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Leo is the life-giving heat of the sun, fixed in the sky. Avoid sunburn.</div>
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<b>Virgo</b> is a mutable earth sign. One doesn't think of the element of Earth as being super flexible. I think of Virgos as being freshly tilled earth. They do a lot of the necessary, boring sort of work that others might avoid with pleasure. Virgos know the value of taking one for the team, but they will never let you forget that you owe them one. They are definitely more mutable and flexible than even they think they are. The earthiness of their sign shows in their practicality and how much they value hard work. The weirdness of mixing the element of earth and mutable energy comes through in their occasionally anxious personalities.<br />
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Virgo is like freshly turned earth, ready to grow again next year. </div>
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<b>Libra</b> is a cardinal air sign. As soon as the cool, crisp air of fall begins to blow, our minds turn to one of two things. One feels the overwhelming urge to acquire a pumpkin spice latte or to make fun of people who do. Librans are one with all things comfy and cozy. Their cardinal energy leads others to embrace these warm fuzzies. A Libra who is living in a disorganized, unbalanced, or just straight up ugly environment could feel physically sick from it. (It sounds nuts, but I've seen it happen.) The Libra has all the bright, intellectually curious, light-hearted qualities that air signs have, bathed in a more practical cardinal energy. That being said, Libras make really good bosses.<br />
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Libra is the crisp, cool air of fall that suddenly makes you want to snuggle.</div>
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<b>Scorpio </b>is a fixed water sign. Okay, fixed water can get a little swampy and brackish, if one isn't careful. Think of ice instead. Ice is cold, beautiful and dangerous. Scorpios are dangerous when a part of them stagnates and feelings are left to rot. When they're at their best, they are teeming with emotion and life. A Scorpio has to figure out how to cycle through these feelings and clear themselves out on their own. Nobody can teach them this. They have to learn it the hard way at first.<br />
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Scorpio is the water of the low-lands. It appears to be still but underneath it's teeming with life and possibly alligators. </div>
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<b>Sagittarius</b> is a mutable fire sign. Now this makes sense! Fire is constantly moving and changing as it catches and burns. Some of the other elemental/energetic placements are a little awkward but this one is really well suited. Sagittarius' fire is a metaphorical fire. The fire of ideas and how they catch, spread, burn brightly and occasionally burn out only to be rebuilt from the coals. Sagittarius doesn't get too attached to things, but their ideas are their babies. They will nurture them and keep them going as long as they can. Their words are also firey. They will give back-handed compliments and say things with a sting in their tail. They don't mean any harm and stings from words fade away quickly.<br />
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Sagittarius is the fire in the head. A bright, idea that quickly spreads. </div>
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<b>Capricorn</b> is a cardinal earth sign. They are at home on mountain tops and lonely places where the jerks of the world can't find them. They are all about planning ahead and the Earth they represent is earth that is built (or naturally exists) in a way that directs people. Small towns in the mountains, are built around the slopes and rivers. They could only exist in a few ways due to these restrictions. Think also of terraced hillsides, designed to support a great number of people in mountainous areas of the world. Anything useful and a little rocky is Capricorn territory. They go to great lengths to get the best for themselves and they want that for those who are close to them. (Whether those who are close to them want it or not).<br />
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Capricorn is cool, rocky Earth that rivers work around on their way to the ocean. </div>
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<b>Aquarius</b> is a fixed air sign. What the what? Fixed air makes no sense, and sounds stifling to be honest. I've seen this described by Linda Goodman as being like a rainbow. Something almost illusory that hangs, fixed in the air but is only temporary. I also think of the air of deep winter that is so very cold that it's hard to breathe. Aquarians are the most flexible of the fixed signs. They're open to changing their mind if they're proven wrong. If they are dealing with something that is mostly based in opinion (no facts involved) they will never change their mind ever. They appear to be random to those who don't know them well. If you zoom out, you'll see the randomness start to form a particular pattern.<br />
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Aquarius is a mirage that appears to hang in the air. Sort of an optical illusion. </div>
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<b>Pisces</b> is a mutable water sign. Here's another one that really makes sense. Fish belong in the water and water is meant to flow. Hell yes. Pisces is like the river, born to run. To run from problems, drama, cheese that smells weird, anything that strikes them as unpleasant that doesn't have to be dealt with directly, etc. That mutable energy can come across as wishy washy but if you don't like it, they won't miss you. They'll just swim off to someone who either likes it or just doesn't mind. They need to feel loose and free in their lives or they're miserable.<br />
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Pisces is the water in the river. Constantly flowing, changing and running both smooth and wild.</div>
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Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17968647812236409036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4225840718884569547.post-58969889214195230472015-12-02T16:24:00.001-05:002015-12-02T16:24:30.909-05:00It's complicated<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Remember the unintentional hilarity of "it's complicated" as a relationship status? It could be just me, but I found it to be hilarious. Complex and vague relationships are definitely in vogue. Who or what are you involved with that gives you mixed feelings? Here's a list of possibilities, based on your Sun sign...<br />
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<a name='more'></a><b>Aries</b> is in a relationship with the desperate search to find someone who knows how to argue without getting mad and it's complicated.<br />
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<b>Taurus </b>is in a relationship with their bed and it's complicated. (We're all a little Taurus at heart, I think.)<br />
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<b>Gemini </b>is in a relationship with their cell phone, tablet and the desire to talk without actually saying anything and it's complicated.<br />
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<b>Cancer </b>is in a relationship with their best friends' mother and it's complicated. (And totally <i><b>not like that</b></i>).<br />
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<b>Leo</b> is in a relationship with themselves and it's only complicated when someone else interferes.<br />
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<b>Virgo</b> is in a relationship with their planner that includes both weekly and monthly spreads and it's complicated.<br />
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<b>Libra</b> is in a relationship with the need to never be alone, so they can avoid confronting their worst qualities by fixing those of other people and it's complicated.<br />
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<b>Scorpio </b>is in a not so secret relationship with the history channel and it's complicated. (They like the intrigue of ghosts and aliens but they don't want anybody to know about it.)<br />
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<b>Sagittarius</b> is in an open relationship with everybody and it's complicated. (Sag doesn't think it's <b>that</b> complicated though.)<br />
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<b>Capricorn</b> is in a relationship with being frustrated about having to read 10 run on sentences just to get to their sign and it's complicated. (Ask your kids how to scroll.)<br />
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<b>Aquarius</b> is in a relationship with their inexplicable thought process and it's only complicated if you don't get it, man. Just open your mind.<br />
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<b>Pisces</b> is in a relationship with the sort of vagueness that's so profound it's almost luxurious and it's complicated.</div>
Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17968647812236409036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4225840718884569547.post-51902290984983908612015-11-26T19:04:00.003-05:002015-11-26T19:29:46.978-05:00Quick 'n' Dirty Holiday Gift Guide<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Shopping season is upon us and it's time to start picking out that special gift for your loved ones. Some people are just flat out easy to shop for. You take them to a place just to "look around" they they just go straight to whatever they're interested in, pick it up and tell you about it. Mental notes are taken, and you're practically done. Some people are really hard to shop for. For whatever reason, you just don't know what the hell they want and a gift card just seems so impersonal. Here's a guide to gift-giving for each sign. Hell, I'll even break it down by price range.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiulrpnGme_lAa-uA4zwPfXIuJhx-pIe7gYiow8Kv_H8RvNhyphenhyphenq-zVlkPGPGmhibyotyp085fNgrsmKRGdGHgMX3nECW61sg_zkvb_v7aPkG_NZqfCcjuslKW_5U_lLPC6NlWLEUGYjT9FI/s1600/merry-christmas-ya-filthy-animal-t-shirt-sw-1354940369.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiulrpnGme_lAa-uA4zwPfXIuJhx-pIe7gYiow8Kv_H8RvNhyphenhyphenq-zVlkPGPGmhibyotyp085fNgrsmKRGdGHgMX3nECW61sg_zkvb_v7aPkG_NZqfCcjuslKW_5U_lLPC6NlWLEUGYjT9FI/s320/merry-christmas-ya-filthy-animal-t-shirt-sw-1354940369.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Let's hit it!<br />
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<a name='more'></a><u><b>Aries</b></u><br />
They will probably be so excited to open it that they won't really care much what it is.<br />
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Cheap: Airplane bottle of Jagermeister and a novelty Elvis popcorn tin.<br />
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Mid: Brand new axe with their name carved in the handle and a steak.<br />
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Posh: Keys to their shiny, new Australia and the opportunity to re-enact this music video:<br />
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<u><b>Taurus</b></u><br />
They already have a bunch of stuff so if you get them something make it beautiful.<br />
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Cheap: Airplane bottle of Grand Marnier and a box of chocolate.<br />
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Mid: A sweater so fuzzy that it looks blurry with a matching hat.<br />
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Posh: A golden chaise lounge where they can be lazy while you feed them fresh grapes.<br />
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<u><b>Gemini</b></u><br />
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Make it something fun and light-hearted. No antique lockets or delicate things that have to be taken care of.<br />
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Cheap: Airplane bottle of any sort of vodka and a bouncy ball.<br />
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Mid: Tickets to something interesting and more vodka.<br />
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Posh: Actual ninja lessons and a jet pack. (Possibly even more vodka.)<br />
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<u><b>Cancer</b></u><br />
Something home made or from the heart is best here.<br />
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Cheap: Airplane bottle of moonshine or homemade hooch and a ring pop.<br />
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Mid: Make them a lovely meal from scratch then pick up a new movie and snacks for a whole "night in" thing.<br />
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Posh: A week long stay in one of those underwater hotel rooms you see on Pinterest and a hug that NEVER ENDS.<br />
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<u><b>Leo</b></u></div>
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Give them the royal treatment at any price by listening to them all year then remembering something super special that they mentioned only once in March.</div>
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<u><b> </b></u></div>
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Cheap: Airplane bottle of crown royal and burger king crown. </div>
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<u><b></b></u><br /></div>
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Mid: Piece of jewelry that proves that you love them and then play with their hair.</div>
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Posh: Faberg<span class="st">é</span> egg and hire a professional genealogy consultant to prove that they are related to royalty somewhere.<br />
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<u><b>Virgo</b></u></div>
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Give them something practical and cute. </div>
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Cheap: Airplane bottle of Tanqueray and a stapler shaped like something that isn't a stapler.</div>
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Mid: Crazy cute organizational doo-dads from Modcloth or Ikea or something and a plant/flowers.</div>
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Posh: Hire them a personal assistant for life and bring back Michael Jackson from the dead to dance for them.</div>
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<u><b>Libra</b></u></div>
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Get them something crazy beautiful and practical.</div>
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Cheap: Airplane bottle of rum and christmas socks.</div>
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Mid: Framed print with a tastefully colored mat and a new watch.</div>
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Posh: A library like the one in the Beauty and the Beast, enough money to quit their job so they can just stay there.</div>
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<u><b>Scorpio</b></u><br />
Get them something sexy, historical or cryptic. Or all three!<br />
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Cheap: Airplane bottle shaped like a skull and a box of condoms.<br />
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Mid: Tour of the oldest graveyard in town and a whiskey tasting.<br />
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Posh: Literally buy them Dracula's castle and them help them decorate it.<br />
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<u><b>Sagittarius</b></u></div>
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Get them something only a smart ass could love.</div>
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Cheap: Airplane bottle of Fireball and a slap across the face.</div>
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Mid: A pack of foot-long hot dogs and a t-shirt with some bullshit on it.</div>
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Posh: Find the right person and pay them enough to let you get away with breaking into whatever Hollywood lot that contains the fountain from the beginning of Friends. Dance in it naked with them. Take pictures then blow them up poster size.</div>
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<u><b>Capricorn</b></u></div>
Get them something something so minimalist it would make Philip Glass cream and something so practical it would make Ron Swanson cry.<br />
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Cheap: Airplane bottle of Jose Cuervo and an empty picture frame.</div>
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Mid: Whatever game they won't shut up about and socks if theirs look worn out.</div>
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Posh: One of those murder mystery parties on a train except they own the train and with real murder. Immediately follow with a 5 gallon bucket of banana pudding.</div>
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<u><b>Aquarius</b></u></div>
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Get them something completely fuckin' nuts. They will love it.</div>
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Cheap: Airplane bottle of Wild Turkey and some stickers you stole from a doctor's office.</div>
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Mid: Miss Frizzle inspired dresses or earrings and a bizarre book that nobody else would ever read.</div>
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Posh: Take them on a tour of the worlds greatest thrift shops and give them an palace made of ice where they can store their beautiful finds.</div>
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<u><b>Pisces</b></u></div>
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Get them something that inspires them. </div>
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Cheap: Airplane bottle of whipped cream vodka and a bag of kale.</div>
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Mid: Go on a road trip but plan everything so they don't have to and let them choose the music.</div>
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Posh: Build a beautiful koi pond and garden at their house when they're away at work. Hire a wise old man to take care of it for them and give them advice occasionally.<br />
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Happy Holidays!</div>
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Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17968647812236409036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4225840718884569547.post-40498681063599135022015-11-24T11:16:00.001-05:002015-11-25T16:17:02.113-05:00Return of the Queen and Break-up Astrology<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
It's been an age. I went back to school, finished my degree in Special Education, scored the job of my dreams, scored the apartment my dreams and then broke up with the Capricorn that pretty much changed my mind about Capricorns. I am simultaneously the best and the worst.<br />
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I plan to continue and finish the Redneck Zodiac series. I've met a lot more in the past few years so I have a plethora of material to work with.<br />
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I did my first personal consultation last night for free (I'm really not good enough to charge anything, but my co-worker got a lot out of it and I was greeted with the highest of fives when I ran into him today.) I may consider branching towards that in the future but for now my sassy opinions are for free.<br />
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Let's get right to it!<br />
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<b>Break-up Astrology! What to expect when you break up with them or when they break up with you! </b><br />
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<u><b>Aries</b></u><br />
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<b>How they break up with you: </b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWFAb9DUfYVc9thrcxaWSkfyi096cB9t7BPDAWwAT_DPcy8D2aD2rHYbSA6y0zVXVcws-fb27qctTlS_ADZEZGoI-l0GXjsaG-FICl_SZITyVSN1HSnbqmQj5byWiXGE6xu7-KzCvmf8I/s1600/gangnam-style-dance.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWFAb9DUfYVc9thrcxaWSkfyi096cB9t7BPDAWwAT_DPcy8D2aD2rHYbSA6y0zVXVcws-fb27qctTlS_ADZEZGoI-l0GXjsaG-FICl_SZITyVSN1HSnbqmQj5byWiXGE6xu7-KzCvmf8I/s320/gangnam-style-dance.gif" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Completely accurate footage of an Aries who just broke up with someone.</td></tr>
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<b> </b>Once an Aries has had it, they have had it. If you're not with them, you're against them and your ass is gone. They won't be unnecessarily cruel. That is, unless you fight back. If you try to turn it around on them you will be blasted with some of the most vicious conversation you have ever heard. They are reacting like a wounded animal backed into a corner. They will come out fighting and say whatever it takes to remove you or themselves from the situation at hand so they can go and lick their wounds privately.<br />
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<b>How they react to someone breaking up with them: </b>So you're dropped the bomb on your Aries. Nice one, you heartless bastard. You would think that their reaction would be reminiscent of a tornado breaking up with a trailer but that's not so. Aries people are far more sensitive
than they would <b>ever</b> let on. They represent the beginning of life and are more disappointed and sad than anything to see that attachment dissolve. At first. Then they will proceed to blame everything on you and all the good times you had together will morph into bitter memories. An Aries with a softer rising sign may eventually turn that around once again and the memories will change back to what they were before. I wouldn't be surprised if they called you again, years later just to see what you're up to.<br />
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<u><b>Taurus</b></u><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhugQB_S4wJoXeYa6ZYIqkC7mQFDhTmEcGlG0hkDrrWmTIr73MyLcrPgyCflVjDdtsgw486kc4IDpntqQzDo3cYs8XHFaTocZBicvRxv_cuIOf9fEu8EWhEIx20EW4HVUh7vIh9jQ7fA7U/s1600/ferdinand3.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="194" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhugQB_S4wJoXeYa6ZYIqkC7mQFDhTmEcGlG0hkDrrWmTIr73MyLcrPgyCflVjDdtsgw486kc4IDpntqQzDo3cYs8XHFaTocZBicvRxv_cuIOf9fEu8EWhEIx20EW4HVUh7vIh9jQ7fA7U/s320/ferdinand3.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Adorable.</td></tr>
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<b>How they break up with you</b>: Actually, you might not even notice. They do <b>not </b>like conflict or discomfort. It may be the smoothest breakup of your life...unless y'all are living together. I am so sorry. If you have any shared stuff they will be as stubborn as their sun sign's glyph. They don't care, not a single fuck will be given. They would sooner see you destroyed than give up something they care about. They once cared about you too, you know. They could have fallen out of love with you for any reason (Chances are, in some way for them, you're too much work. Sorry not sorry.) but if you refuse to drift on your way, they will resent the shit out of you.<br />
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<b>How they react to someone breaking up with them:</b> On one hand, relieved. Taureans are sensitive people, with so much to give. Chances are they'll see it coming. Despite being slow moving (physically, emotionally and so forth) they are not oblivious. Just because they haven't reacted yet doesn't mean they haven't already perceived something like this coming. When a Taurus is passionate about something they are hard workers. If they care about you, they will be very reluctant to give that up. Knowing that they let you down will hurt them in ways that could take some time to heal. They probably won't move on right away, unless they're an asshole. In that case, good for you for breaking up with them! They need to know their actions have consequences.<br />
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<u><b>Gemini</b></u><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPCUoaUVEAXIvGc6Db8Q533GpDjIba4MEYSs1avXhjl6r7io677A5AtqV-URBVXVJLwKSphq2WQ_1wQSi23FFwOBaMQvf98WwFCtjClLmGfi3paA3tUEl1vyQpLQloWoKMUe9RMHay5dQ/s1600/olsen-twins-e1383855575847.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPCUoaUVEAXIvGc6Db8Q533GpDjIba4MEYSs1avXhjl6r7io677A5AtqV-URBVXVJLwKSphq2WQ_1wQSi23FFwOBaMQvf98WwFCtjClLmGfi3paA3tUEl1vyQpLQloWoKMUe9RMHay5dQ/s320/olsen-twins-e1383855575847.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hangin' tough!</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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<b>How they break up with you: </b>First, are you sure y'all were actually in a relationship? Geminis don't settle into exclusivity for just anyone. Just saying. Before you get your panties in a bunch, double check to make sure. If you're okay with not being the one and only, and you enjoy your Gemini, get back on that horse! Treat yourself!<br />
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Wait... y'all were living together/married/bought a puppy or something? I am so sorry. Please report to your nearest Cancer for some cuddles.<br />
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<b>How they react to someone breaking up with them:</b> They will go over the goddamned top to make sure that you know that you didn't hurt them one bit. They're totally fine, better even without you. They will throw themselves into anything and at anyone to prove that they do not miss you at all. It's a lie. For the first week anyway. If you run into them more than a month later, you may have to re-introduce yourself. They move fast and a break-up is just another bump in the road.<br />
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<u><b>Cancer</b></u><b> </b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtP0DF9bQXY-KPU9ztxL7bcu1xryIhupbMQrWs-WkjlSgZE07dsPB6X03tZvP0DyvvGP1dpOc-lzvTNbJLo8F27iskjRIYFHEQeV2TCe_e1PZnJ_paJ-YVwK0T_K40Yhadh6V_kLvkrD0/s1600/tumblr_nq21d1RfSe1sug9wjo1_400.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="230" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtP0DF9bQXY-KPU9ztxL7bcu1xryIhupbMQrWs-WkjlSgZE07dsPB6X03tZvP0DyvvGP1dpOc-lzvTNbJLo8F27iskjRIYFHEQeV2TCe_e1PZnJ_paJ-YVwK0T_K40Yhadh6V_kLvkrD0/s320/tumblr_nq21d1RfSe1sug9wjo1_400.gif" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Never mind, they'll find someone like you or at least their Mom.<b><br /></b></td></tr>
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</b><br />
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<b>How they break up with you: </b>They don't. They're way more likely to emotionally manipulate you into breaking up with them. If one actually does break up with you, prepare to be hurt. They didn't spend all that time getting to know your deepest darkest secrets for nothing. They have a tough emotional shell to guard all their raw, squishy pink feelings but you may not be so lucky.<br />
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<b>How they react to someone breaking up with them:</b> It could go one of two ways. They may flippantly pretend that their ex never mattered and brutally cut them off all the while talking mild to moderate trash about them forever. They may legitimately have their hearts broken, cornering strangers at bus stops to regale them about all the feelings they are still trying to process. They will almost enjoy wallowing in the pain of it all. Once they heal and move on, they will be fine.<br />
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<u><b>Leo</b></u><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX18KyzXLf1lnyj6QoeTM5t6Fdq7baRuvG7A8o_E-Qw8VMhxuFvKZ83CFnm2o58z_CB69fkn5ZUJXTx4V6TlysnTq6hUCY3ClGzQ2GXbXHX1N4feH82_Gs6dJXaAEry7csPzDr7oeN25k/s1600/tumblr_inline_nuuze1fz5v1tndlin_500.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX18KyzXLf1lnyj6QoeTM5t6Fdq7baRuvG7A8o_E-Qw8VMhxuFvKZ83CFnm2o58z_CB69fkn5ZUJXTx4V6TlysnTq6hUCY3ClGzQ2GXbXHX1N4feH82_Gs6dJXaAEry7csPzDr7oeN25k/s1600/tumblr_inline_nuuze1fz5v1tndlin_500.gif" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">WTF is even wrong with you?</td></tr>
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<b>How they break up with you: </b>You should feel lucky that they even condescended to be with you at all. It's been a beautiful relationship, but now the sun has set. Don't you feel special that they chose you? Even for a fleeting moment? Hahaha! Unless you want to start a fight, you had best go ahead and agree with these sentiments. Honestly, being the President of their fan club has some delightful benefits. You probably won't admit it to anyone but your therapist, but you'll kind of miss them.<br />
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<b>How they react to someone breaking up with them: </b>First of all, how dare you. One does not simply break up with a Leo. If you did it in public, you are a monster. Public image is everything and to even suggest that they are undesirable in front of even their cat, is unthinkable. They will never embarrass themselves by trying to get you back. Even if you had the decency to break up with them privately, they'll still act superior and act like it was their idea. That's their concept of "the high road". Just go with it.<br />
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<u><b>Virgo</b></u><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT1n35wLVBQb_xLk7w4y2v7KvX_UL1U0jxWQjuMQLLhi1niL02YW4bIpcH3VZbMyNXZ6EEtWBXx4ncUbCfqlEU_5nHXqoIycC8FvnLqyKoJjVDTGm4itiBKFegZ7w684dpnSGdKYziMGY/s1600/wendy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT1n35wLVBQb_xLk7w4y2v7KvX_UL1U0jxWQjuMQLLhi1niL02YW4bIpcH3VZbMyNXZ6EEtWBXx4ncUbCfqlEU_5nHXqoIycC8FvnLqyKoJjVDTGm4itiBKFegZ7w684dpnSGdKYziMGY/s1600/wendy.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Portrait of a Virgo</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br />
<b>How they break up with you: </b>They look at you from across the room, then they look away and sigh. It's not that they aren't direct, they just don't want to come to terms with the fact that they failed. Whatever spark they saw in you, that made them trust you, simply wasn't worth the trouble. They tried their hardest to make you a better person but it just didn't work. At least not in their eyes. They had such high hopes for you. Now it's just best that you leave. Back to the drawing board. Unfortunately, being right is more satisfying than being loved.<br />
<br />
<b>How they react to someone breaking up with them: </b>I am so sorry. Breaking up with a Virgo just makes you feel
awful. They are genuine, decent people typically and it's tough to hurt
someone no matter how you slice it. You will not miss all the things
that drove you crazy. Once you split up, they will go right back to the
way they were before. You however, may not even realize how much they
changed you while you were together until they're gone. Most of it was
an improvement. Chances are, you were pretty sorry until that Virgo got a
hold of you. (Sorry about it.) They will remain their bright, complex
selves. They'll miss you but they have a strong sense of self and have
cultivated a remarkable group of friends to keep them sane. They're
Earthy, despite their hatred of dirt. They'll heal with time.<br />
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<br />
<u><b>Libra</b></u><br />
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<b>How they break up with you: </b>You may not know that anything is wrong with your relationship until they are actually there in front of you, holding your hands in theirs, saying the actual words, "It's over."<b> </b>Chances are you'll be like, "WTF?" Things seemed just fine mere seconds ago. What just happened? Libra is an air sign and though they are warm, romantic and easy to be around their minds are always whirring. Not quite like their air sisters Gemini and Aquarius, but still significant enough to mention. They have been thinking about this constantly and turning it over and over, smiling all the while. They love love and will not break up with someone with undue cause. That being said, WTF did you DO?<br />
<br />
<b>How they react to someone breaking up with them: </b>This. Literally.<br />
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<u><b>Scorpio</b></u><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5X0reBL2gkVpa2P0a9vu8UCJzI48KxLbkb5rbi9cCqiiqJnLxSuMvaqSLT8DVLV4x8s8TphLOYvX_AoPp-lweTpt0MZ8sH8qdhiaGgYfJlObxiIJMnkXyfO0Jsa9D6fJ1jdE1QGXRVJs/s1600/maxresdefault.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="190" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5X0reBL2gkVpa2P0a9vu8UCJzI48KxLbkb5rbi9cCqiiqJnLxSuMvaqSLT8DVLV4x8s8TphLOYvX_AoPp-lweTpt0MZ8sH8qdhiaGgYfJlObxiIJMnkXyfO0Jsa9D6fJ1jdE1QGXRVJs/s320/maxresdefault.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">OH NO YOU BETTA DON'T<b><br /></b></td></tr>
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</b><br />
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<b>How they break up with you: </b>Did you start something you couldn't finish? 'cause it looks like you did. If they're immature they will break up with you most cruelly. You can't say that they don't care about your feelings here, but only because they spent so long finding out what makes you tick just so they could break you apart from the inside. Scorpios are passionate, mysterious folks. When they leave you for good, it'll be like climbing into an air-conditioned car after being outside in 99% humidity in a Baton Rouge summer. Scorpios are incredibly intense, but they're really amazing people. If you crave that intensity, you're going to miss it and feel almost empty without them for a while. If you don't, you may feel like you're finally able to breathe. <br />
<br />
<b>How they react to someone breaking up with them: </b><br />
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Unless you absolutely have to. It's best to do it early if possible. Work hard to figure out if y'all actually get along because Scorpios don't like to waste their time. It's just polite, people.There are some signs that just don't like to mess around and Scorpio is one of them. If you do catch them when they're in the mood for something less serious, only proceed if you match their desires. Don't try to play games with their heart, because they are WAY better at it than you. You will lose so hard. I'll laugh at you.<br />
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<u><b>Sagittarius</b></u><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLmQqE-N8lqgAkFbUoIp5EXoLlLXFMrW1HY8JjWe5xy0dejsAJ4TaCqDOkz7FA5-Z0OSoi-ZKPy0K70S5IhZoby7GM3AM9zz2YjpN8Cvp4aHbpXU1QbtVDxbHTfdrK_WWiDJvjS08lggE/s1600/Kegasus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLmQqE-N8lqgAkFbUoIp5EXoLlLXFMrW1HY8JjWe5xy0dejsAJ4TaCqDOkz7FA5-Z0OSoi-ZKPy0K70S5IhZoby7GM3AM9zz2YjpN8Cvp4aHbpXU1QbtVDxbHTfdrK_WWiDJvjS08lggE/s320/Kegasus.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kegasus returns!</td></tr>
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<b>How they break up with you:</b> Much like Gemini, relationships with Sagittarius beg the question: Are you sure you are actually dating them exclusively? They tend to play the field, in every position. They can't break up with you if you aren't actually dating them. They will say something stupid but really funny. Funny to them mainly (and probably me Sag. rising for the win!) you may think otherwise. Let's say you actually bagged one and they acknowledge that they're in a relationship with you. They may not think too much of breaking up with you. It might be for any reason but chances are they feel a bit caged, or you don't have enough in common to really hook them good. They're all about fun and when the lightheartedness disappears, they go right with it.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>How they react to someone breaking up with them: </b>They don't give a fuck. That's what they say but they can get really broken up and self-destructive. Post-relationship mayhem has definitely dragged many a Sagittarius down to some pretty murky depths. If they care, they will stop at nothing to wipe away those feelings with any number of bad/sketchy/horrifying habits. They will pass quickly and be back to their happy, bouncy selves though. If they're lucky.<u><b> </b></u><br />
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<u><b>Capricorn</b></u><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6_gmcBj-CDFAVBD01rh0X4q4lna7xUJEHXSYLibx4UznWs5oGNZVkCcsSeR9aaQL4RJTYpAPOT8GkWqhn6udRxHoZ59U5iBjUI1olu7r1j_gvB7obBAgziZT12R3cPdzkrUUG7irmWaY/s1600/tumblr_mu703fndEU1sk77e0o1_500.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="131" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6_gmcBj-CDFAVBD01rh0X4q4lna7xUJEHXSYLibx4UznWs5oGNZVkCcsSeR9aaQL4RJTYpAPOT8GkWqhn6udRxHoZ59U5iBjUI1olu7r1j_gvB7obBAgziZT12R3cPdzkrUUG7irmWaY/s320/tumblr_mu703fndEU1sk77e0o1_500.gif" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>I can! Why can't you!?</b></td></tr>
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</b><br />
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<b>How they break up with you: </b>Without passion or even a bit of anger. They will present the facts, they will not try to convince you to change or to stay. You will almost wish that they would get angry with you. It makes you feel 10" tall to be shut down so completely. That's precisely what they're going for. If you passed the initial "tests" they often perform to check that you are a decent person, they will feel stupid for missing the signs that you were unworthy. The last feeling they will tolerate is feeling inferior. If you're the cause, the only solution is to remove you from the equation.<br />
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<b>How they react to someone breaking up with them: </b>If you want to see someone who is exhausted in every possible way, look at a Capricorn who has just had their heart broken. They work so hard and it's not easy for them to open up to someone. It takes a constant effort on their part to not just connect with people to meet their needs and really get to know someone well. When that's over, they feel guilty for feeling so relieved. They shouldn't though.<br />
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<u><b>Aquarius</b></u><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilshT6ifmCWJRNZqAeFEWjafeMCbXVL-V6NJckUvXNEP6kmZ1si8i4che_6ZWr-4wXCPqVLsxeuBfo4DtieDZl2jP1RvgZkLbuFgLWEl-xnYjidZdwNmby_sqvdc7fx9EnStYAF5HCCmg/s1600/200_s.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="129" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilshT6ifmCWJRNZqAeFEWjafeMCbXVL-V6NJckUvXNEP6kmZ1si8i4che_6ZWr-4wXCPqVLsxeuBfo4DtieDZl2jP1RvgZkLbuFgLWEl-xnYjidZdwNmby_sqvdc7fx9EnStYAF5HCCmg/s320/200_s.gif" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Painfully accurate.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br />
<b>How they break up with you: </b>Even the kindest Aquarius finds emotions to be a stilted second language. They do not mean to hurt you but hurt you, they will. With eyes full of stars they will tell you they no longer want you. You will see them within days, living their lives, gleefully stripped of you. It will be like you were never there. They'll remember you in small ways. Prepare to be infuriated when they actually tell you that they still want to be friends. Friendship with an Aquarian is not a consolation prize to them. Even if they never see you again, they'll still count you as a friend and think positive thoughts about you.<br />
<br />
<b>How they react to someone breaking up with them: </b>It won't bother them too much to be honest. They won't unfriend you or your Mom on facebook. Their reaction is very similar to the above paragraph about when they break up with you. They remain annoyingly cheerful and positive. Their life will go on as usual. If you broke up with them rudely, they'll be more upset about your behavior than about the actual break up.<br />
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<br />
<u><b>Pisces</b></u><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBh-WuuJ-Qmb8AoFo5GNrsYDSmPT_k8KEfsNeRB1Sw1U6NAjaZ03hYu0uz52OUqEcKxhyyjrEvsvb3N9_B8WRAJ4G0INkKgGru_s28io4hzKGXzhGPeviGhVwDABvhJpte8RC-bV1k1t8/s1600/tumblr_mlu343Kr8I1rbhj4go1_500.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="172" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBh-WuuJ-Qmb8AoFo5GNrsYDSmPT_k8KEfsNeRB1Sw1U6NAjaZ03hYu0uz52OUqEcKxhyyjrEvsvb3N9_B8WRAJ4G0INkKgGru_s28io4hzKGXzhGPeviGhVwDABvhJpte8RC-bV1k1t8/s320/tumblr_mlu343Kr8I1rbhj4go1_500.gif" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A legitimate option for a Pisces.</td></tr>
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<br />
<br />
<b>How they break up with you: </b>A Pisces would change their names, phone number and move to another country before they would break up with you. It's not that they don't want to. They would rather just sort of disappear from your life than break up all at once. It's just not how they operate.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>How they react to someone breaking up with them: </b>Sad, sad, sad. What is wrong with me? Why am I such a fuck-up? Will anyone ever love me? Am I to die alone in my bed? Once they take a breath, they will be fine. It's a natural Pisces state to just float (some are a little more particular about where they are floating, some aren't). They will return to stasis eventually and feel much better about life. They absolutely need to opportunity to wallow and then something to encourage them to move along.<br />
<u><b> </b></u><br />
<u><b> </b></u><br />
<u><b> </b></u><br />
<b>Everyone. You'll be fine. We're all assholes occasionally and we all deserve love. Until next time, save a horse, ride an Aries.</b><u><b></b></u><br />
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<b> </b></div>
Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17968647812236409036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4225840718884569547.post-8714458979126052762013-03-06T11:18:00.002-05:002013-03-06T11:35:50.045-05:00A lack of composure. No excuses.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
In the past whiles I've limited my ramblings to mainly live performances (most often with a margarita in hand). Recently, I've felt the need to get back to typing it out and expressing myself with only the gentle clacking of my fingers on the keyboard. <br />
<br />
That being said! Mercury is in retrograde! (<a href="http://www.findyourfate.com/astrology/year2013/2013-mercury-retrograde.html" target="_blank">findyourfate.com</a> has a color-coded calendar that I recommend. The retrograde days are marked in OH SHIT red so you can prepare to pee your pants in uncomfortable silence in advance.) What the hell am I or anyone else thinking by re-starting or beginning anew in ANY pursuit related to communication of any sort?<br />
<br />
I've perhaps jumped ahead a little. The planet Mercury is the ruler of Gemini and represents communication, messages from far away, technology and swift energy that rides along the surface of an idea never quite plunging into the dark depths of understanding but creating enough buzz and confidence to assure a certain type of competence to an observer.<br />
<br />
A retrograde occurs when a planet appears to move backwards across the sky from Earth. Other planets go through a similar transition but the one that gets the most press is Mercury. Why?<br />
<a name='more'></a>Our society relies on very sophisticated technology to communicate. People constantly use computers, smart phones, watch television received by satellite. It's so fast and works so consistently well that if we were to describe it to someone from merely a century back (Tesla excluded) they would have thought we would have a promising career in science fiction or as a professional mental patient. Since almost all work and a lot of our leisure time relies on the use of technology Mercurial influences matter a great deal. As you know when you think of "retro" you think of the past, neon mesh, hideous bell-bottoms, other things that "seemed like a good idea at the time perhaps.<br />
<br />
When Mercury goes retrograde and moonwalks across the sky the lines of communication<span style="color: #999999; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">.</span></span><br />
(figuratively and literally) flicker causing havoc in the realms of technology and all kinds of movement of ideas verbal and otherwise. Conversations with your boyfriend turn into staring contests and "Um..." wars. Your computer, which may already seem slow decides to switch doctors and up their klonopin prescription causing it to freeze. Not that you have anything to really type anyway. If your computer made it through the haze you'd still be hypnotized by your blinking cursor, just sitting right there after "To Whom it may concern," wondering what the ever-lasting fuck you're supposed to say to get the attention of the person reading your cover-letter.<br />
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<h3 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">This is you during mercury retrograde. Let the blankness consume you</span></h3>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgP8TtllwiwaSVPDH_OEMWIDO-GPTrP5lqLVi5xJpZfvTU4mzBww7wGPe6F163hyphenhyphenXYFfW1g5RAHMBqEbciVxshJFtIOKDbNeeFHnk_j0VIRhAkaDjw5YuJ86_2yWnd6rTXA248WdAhiOIQ/s1600/blinking.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="This is you during mercury retrograde. Let the blankness consume you." border="0" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgP8TtllwiwaSVPDH_OEMWIDO-GPTrP5lqLVi5xJpZfvTU4mzBww7wGPe6F163hyphenhyphenXYFfW1g5RAHMBqEbciVxshJFtIOKDbNeeFHnk_j0VIRhAkaDjw5YuJ86_2yWnd6rTXA248WdAhiOIQ/s320/blinking.gif" title="" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #999999;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Image credit kaymit<span style="color: #999999;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">o.tumblr.com</span></span></span></span></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td></tr>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<h3 style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #999999; font-size: xx-small;"></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;">Ah wel<span style="font-size: small;">l.</span> The best thing to do during a Mercury ret<span style="color: #999999;"><span style="font-size: small;">r</span></span>ograde is to sort of lay low communications-wise<span style="font-size: small;">. If you have an opportunity to being something new, related to speech, technology, mass-communication<span style="font-size: small;">. Instead of </span>opening your heart and trying to find the <span style="font-size: small;">sweet wor<span style="font-size: small;">ds to woo a new lover into your li<span style="font-size: small;">fe you had better take this moment to shut your shit up instead. Just ride it out, keep doing what you usually do, just don't get ambitious. Don't buy a brand new computer with all the bells and whistles, you'll fuck it up. Don't make a <span style="font-size: small;">huge keynote speech somewhere and attempt under any cir<span style="font-size: small;">circumstances to "wing it", you'll fuck it up be<span style="font-size: small;">yond <span style="font-size: small;">reckoning. Don't you <span style="font-size: small;">dare start back up w<span style="font-size: small;">riting <span style="font-size: small;">in your blog to "<span style="font-size: small;">pick up your writing career", "find your <span style="font-size: small;">voice in the sea of other bloggers"<span style="font-size: small;"> or "come back <span style="font-size: small;">from a self-imposed 'hiatus'<span style="font-size: small;"> to <span style="font-size: small;">a warm, appreci<span style="font-size: small;">ative audi<span style="font-size: small;">ence<span style="font-size: small;">"<span style="font-size: small;">. It's Mercury Retrograde from Fe<span style="font-size: small;">bruary 23, 2013 through March 17, 2013. You've made it this far, <b>DON'<span style="font-size: small;">T FUCK IT UP.</span></b></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></h3>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjObWTarwdwKqGsmLbIKjNEjUHXGsXntATqKoL6UP5V4O4gr6gHII_lx1JyA0NKvkSGxQVtBVE21kv7NNMk3iyC7C4XcsaT3XI9jq58YQosJpWuWjZYJe7ERxrfKbJZvGqQPEkVOr32Gyw/s1600/69969-612x612-1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="You've made it this far, don't you dare fuck it up." border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjObWTarwdwKqGsmLbIKjNEjUHXGsXntATqKoL6UP5V4O4gr6gHII_lx1JyA0NKvkSGxQVtBVE21kv7NNMk3iyC7C4XcsaT3XI9jq58YQosJpWuWjZYJe7ERxrfKbJZvGqQPEkVOr32Gyw/s320/69969-612x612-1.png" title="" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Image from fab.com</span></td></tr>
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Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17968647812236409036noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4225840718884569547.post-91645032141769872952011-12-07T18:40:00.000-05:002011-12-07T18:40:44.032-05:00The sparkI acknowledge that I've had quite a hiatus from writing. For those who have missed it I'm sorry. It's an unfortunate side effect of being incredibly happy. The happier I am, the less I have to say. Oops. I'm currently worried about work and admitting that I don't have a diploma because I couldn't afford to buy it or pay the licensing board the fee to finish my degree in the first place. It feels good to write it. It's embarrassing but there it is. <br />
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I'm going to write more until I no longer feel like it, which is as close to a promise as I've ever made. Taking on the moon signs was ambitious, considering I've not even finished the redneck zodiac. Wrapping that up is my first project.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17968647812236409036noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4225840718884569547.post-85725109409100716712011-07-03T22:44:00.002-04:002011-07-03T22:47:33.497-04:00The Redneck Capricorn<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">oly balls guys, have y'all heard about the planet Saturn? Saturn is a hell of a planet. He's "Father Time" the crotchety old man informing you that somehow you are spoiled with all these modern gadgets as well as being miserably unfortunate to not have lived through the "good old days". There is a feeling of restriction and not being able to do exactly whatever you want but being free to get whatever it is you truly need.<br />
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There happen to be a surplus of Capricorn Rednecks in the world. Some are so backward they don't want their little women working after they get married or their children dancing to that renegade Billy Ray Cyrus. <br />
<a name='more'></a>These people stick to tradition even if it leaves them in the dust. They borderline worship their family even if their families have abandoned them or made their lives miserable. (Often their families are awesome and nobody could blame them.) This clinging to tradition is a cornerstone of the Capricorn Redneck. These folks pull one of the greatest tricks of the zodiac. They are born with a rather old, stubborn and even wise sort of attitude and as they grow older chronologically they get younger in spirit.<br />
These are the people at the barn dance who at first sight look like someone practically dressed them and propped them up in the corner until they start to move and they have more energy than 92% of the young bucks present.<br />
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If you look up the birth dates of some of the most prolific and famous country and bluegrass musicians you are going to see one hell of a lot of Capricorns. If music is their calling, they might not find it 'till they've gone grey but they'll be at it harder, faster and longer than almost anyone else. The beautiful, endlessly charming and caring Dolly Parton is a Capricorn and I'm not interested in imagining what the world would be like without her. If you want to donate to her good cause or know someone with young children who could use some more books. <a href="http://imaginationlibrary.com/">http://imaginationlibrary.com/</a><br />
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</div>Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17968647812236409036noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4225840718884569547.post-41974265305070681752011-07-03T22:23:00.000-04:002011-07-03T22:23:50.010-04:00The Redneck Pisces<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Come with me now. Dig, if you will, the picture. You are walking through what used to be a Roses but has now turned into a permanent flea market. There are rough and shady characters admiring "authentic replica" samurai swords with Confederate flags on them. There are barefoot, sticky-handed children tearing up and down the labyrinthine aisles. You spy a middle-aged couple tenderly holding hands in front of a table. You sidle up next to them to see what is capturing their attention. These two dreamy-eyed lovers are admiring several dream-catchers with dyed blue and purple feathers and tie-dyed t-shirts with howling wolves and dolphins drifting through space.<br />
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You have found the lair of the Redneck Pisces. Obvious exits are West, South and an indoor hot-dog stand/sno cone machine. What will you do?<br />
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<a name='more'></a>The obvious answer is nothing. The Redneck Pisces is not going to start no mess. It's not in their nature. Their symbol is a pair of fish, swimming in opposite directions. If you jump up and yell "Boo!" at a fish it will just look at you, or swim away. The same rules apply here. These lovely people really do often have dreamy-looking eyes that appear to be focused somewhere far away. They are ruled by Neptune and this in particular gives them a non-confrontational, take life as it comes sort of attitude. Pisces is a mutable water sign and most have a sort of watery but not wishy-washy disposition. You can't be wishy-washy if you don't give a damn, am I right? Just because one is taking the path of least resistance doesn't mean that particular path isn't the best or most preferred one.<br />
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The sign of Pisces blends rather well with a redneck attitude. They want to be left to their own devices and they hope others do the same. I've never met a Pisces who I would call nosy. Pisces are friendly sorts of people and they don't have much of a predisposition for "rockin' the boat". Pisces wanst to have a good time and not let things get too overly emotional (they are emotive people but coming completely unhinged has little attraction for them). They're just good plain' folks who believe that dreams can come true and that people really aren't that horrible after all.<br />
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In an incredibly not shocking at all development, there are hardly any well-known, Pisces-born working country musicians today. Since that is the case, here's one who's a classic, Mr Charley Pride<br />
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</div>Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17968647812236409036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4225840718884569547.post-53329307113317241772011-07-03T21:42:00.000-04:002011-07-03T21:42:14.191-04:00The flippin' moon, y'all.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Chances are, your first astronomical encounter was out in your back yard (if you were lucky enough to have one) gazing skyward at the moon. There are few things that I could look at so intently at that young age. Everybody has a moon sign that corresponds to where the moon was during the moment of your birth. At the particular moment I was born, the moon was ghost ridin' tha whip through the sign of Gemini. <br />
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I often notice that my emotions are sharply divided. There's a shade of me that almost is watching me like a fly on the wall, reading my reactions to people, analyzing the way I feel, putting a serial number on it and filing it away to process later. The me that is actually there, would have flounced away several sentences before, cheerfully moving onto an easier thing to deal with. I get myself worked up a bit emotionally and chances are before I've breathed a word about it to another soul I've already dismissed it as being petty and surely just my imagination. I deal with the real, painful, swollen red emotions all by myself. It's only the small stuff that I talk about over and over again, forgetting that I've already told the tale before. Fuckin' Moon in Gemini. They say that "Lunar Geminis" have a way with words. Hilariously enough, I was born with a birthmarks on each arm (Arms are naturally ruled by Gemini along with the hands and shoulders and lungs. There are two of each! See what they did there!?) that are arranged in such a way they look like the constellation Cassiopeia. Cassiopeia in Greek means "She whose words excel". When I put all that together I burst out laughing.<br />
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Now that I've told my story, I'll be getting on going through my personal interpretation of the Moon signs as well as recommending some decent places to get a free Natal Chart that one can make sense of.</div>Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17968647812236409036noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4225840718884569547.post-29541129294441017062011-06-18T23:19:00.000-04:002011-06-18T23:19:23.981-04:00A scream is a wish your heart makes!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">It is a truth universally acknowledged that as a silly girl who loved Disney movies as a child must have had an absurd crush on a character. I'm an idealist with long eye-lashes who throws the word "love" around on the daily like the word "concerned" is thrown around a PTA meeting. Deal with it.<br />
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For those who follow their hearts and know that love conquers all, take a note from your childhood self. You may have been giving yourself a helpful hint about the sort of person you'd be looking for in the future. From one person who watched Pocahontas and wondered what was so wrong with Kocoum to another, enjoy your Disneyfied trip through the zodiac.<br />
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<a name='more'></a><b>As a child you fancied Gaston (Oh...you bad!) or Jasmine: </b>Oh no! One's "good" and one's "evil"! Whatever shall you do? Any way you might choose to slice it, my cash/money is on both of these characters being Aries. Gaston does not give one single fuck. He's a manly man and does everything in his power to get his way. His character is just a bit of an arrogant jerk in the beginning (like pretty much everybody everywhere honestly). Gaston doesn't lose his shit until he gets publicly humiliated in front of everybody he knows. For the Aries, that's pretty realistic. Jasmine, while smart/pretty/blah is clearly an Aries as well. She has a remarkably selfish and naive personality. She wants with all her heart to pursue her own interests and help others when she can. Remember when she saw those little poor children in the street? Her heart went out to them and by trying to help them she was nearly killed? Classic Aries. They are headstrong and fling themselves forward with arms and hearts open towards whatever may come. Just like you like it.<br />
<b>Honorable mentions</b>: The Queen of Hearts, Merriweather, Thomas O'Malley<br />
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<b>As a child you fancied Prince Eric or Cinderella</b>: Taurus! Who doesn't love 'em. Prince Eric? He's just a dude, he likes good food, he likes pretty ladies (whether or not they talk, he doesn't really seem to care) and playing with his Dog. He's a dude, man. That's Taurus. Cinderella busted her ass with nobody but the mice to rant to but when it all came together and it was her moment to shine, she was stunning. Taurus girls and guys are just good-looking. Also, Homegirl has one of the only sexy-ass Disney songs. "So this is love?" is sultry and beautiful.I didn't throw him in there, but you probably thought Baloo the bear was pretty chill too.<br />
<b>Honorable mentions</b>:Baloo, Little John, Duchess<br />
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<b>As a child you fancied Aladdin or Mary Poppins: </b>Nice. I might be too late to warn you but you might be into Geminis. Charming, quick-witted people who often have a way of telling you exactly what you want to hear or not hear in the most interesting and disarming way possible. Aladdin had to live by his wits so you'd bet your bonnet they were quick. He was a kind, goofy guy at heart but he dreamed that money would fix all his problems. Unfortunately for him Biggie wasn't around to correct him but it turned out alright in the end. Mary Poppins has got the twin-thing going on majorly. She's two different people in one person and she's so interesting that you'll probably do whatever she suggests because you know it'll be more fun than the crap <i>you</i> usually come up with.<br />
<b>Honorable Mention: </b>Tramp, Phoebus, Pollyanna <br />
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<b>As a child you fancied Scar (</b>eek!<b>) or Nani Pelekai</b> (do you even know who I'm talking about?): You like the Cancerians. People who are filled to the brim with emotions. People whose tough shells are impossible to crack. People who will cut a bitch in the name of security (actual physical safety, financial security, or if you make a complicated order). Scar felt cheated by fate and was unhappy with his place in the world, so he carved out a new one. Nani busted her ass to keep her family together in the midst of an adorable alien invasion. She was a substitute mother for her sister Lilo, which is a role that many Cancers find themselves in. Cancers end up desperately searching for a mother or being one in some way.<br />
<b>Honorable mention: </b>Evil step-mothers, Aurora, Fauna, King Triton.<br />
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<b>As a child you fancied John Smith or Belle:</b> Did I throw you off with the Belle? Good. John Smith is obvious. He's a brave character who makes it his life to condescend. Leos are naturally gifted at the sort of thing it takes royalty years of practicing to accomplish. They are masters of the delicate art of condescension in such a way that seems like true courtesy. It never is, really. Bless Belle's little heart but I seriously doubt that when she talks about fitting in that "provincial" town that she's actually tried to fit in. Maybe she could try actually talking to all the characters she carelessly dances by instead of just saying "Hello!"s and "How are you?"'s that she really doesn't mean. F'real though. Leos can be really sweet fun people who love to take someone's out-there idea and turn it into something glorious. They will always think the are better than you, though. Sorry.<br />
<b>Honorable Mention:</b> Mufasa, Simba, other crazy-ass lions <br />
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<b>As a child you fancied Roger Radcliffe or Wendy Darling: </b>You like 'em overall cautious but quite creative. Virgos can be real sweeties. Roger Radcliffe, jazz musician, man who likes to know when his tea-time is and looks good in a sweater-vest. Grrr, baby, grrr! Only a Virgo would write a song making fun of your old "school chum". Dear Wendy longed for adventure and ended up being kidnapped be a Mother. She actually rather liked it, until she felt her own real life slipping from her. Virgos like to be on solid ground, they can't stay up in the clouds even though they might find it fun. Their precise nature won't let them feel comfortable there for long.<br />
<b>Honorable Mention: </b>Li Shang, Milo, Mad Madame Mimm<br />
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<b>As a child you fancied Lumiere or Snow White: </b>That candelabra is a charming motherfucker, for real. Even as an animate object he continues his romance with the maid/feather duster. That's dedication. Librans love romance as much as they hate to be alone. Snow white would rather be down with some B&E than being alone. (Them trees is scary!) We have two idealists here who are full of fun ideas. "Of course she's the one to break the spell!" "Someday my Prince will come!" Those two know how to party. Diplomatic to the core, they want the best for everybody and they are pretty sure they know what that "best" is. <br />
<b>Honorable mention:</b> Nameless Prince in Snow White, Bashful, Grandmother Fa <br />
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<b>As a child you fancied Beast (</b>forget that lame-ass Prince Adam or whatever) <b>or Pocahontas:</b> Chances are, you are probably into Scorpios nowadays. You like people who are deep enough to dive in. Beast gains control over his animal nature to become himself again. Pocahontas as a character seeks a greater understanding of the world around her. She would rather have someone to truly share her life with instead of someone to push her into a role she's not totally comfortable with. Scorpios are leaders with their actions as well as words. They would rather be alone than to suffer through a relationship that's half-assed.<br />
<b>Honorable mention:</b> Chesire Cat, Tiana, Captain Hook, Claude Frollo<br />
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<b>As a child you fancied Peter Pan or Megara:</b> It didn't take long in the chronicles of your love life to drift towards the Sagittarius-type. Peter Pan is happy with his rambling adventure-filled life. If there was any male who would look scornfully at their mate saying, "You can't catch me and make me a man!" it would be the Sag. Megara is a cynical sort of girl. Nobody can fall flat on their face emotionally like a Sag. They are the clowns of the zodiac. You like 'em smart, funny and likely to have a few bruises from when they tripped on the curb while watching a rainbow. You probably thought the centaurs in Fantasia were chill as hell.<br />
<b>Honorable Mention: </b>Thomas, the centaurs in Fantasia, Dopey, Doc, Mulan, That Darn Cat<br />
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<b>As a child you fancied Kocoum or the Blue Fairy: </b>The Capricorns of the Disney zodiac. Characters who are good people who don't put up with any shit. Pocahontas! What, what, what are you doing? Are you really going to diss a handsome sturdy husband who builds handsome sturdy walls <i>and for what</i>? Syphilis? For fuck's sake Pocahontas. The Blue Fairy is amazing. She's a lovely, caring woman who gives someone the chance to fail spectacularly who may have never had the chance otherwise. Cap to the core.<br />
<b>Honorable mention: </b>Jiminy Cricket, King Stephan, Bambi's father, Maid Marian <br />
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<b>As a child you fancied Kevin Flynn or Ariel:</b> Heck to the yes Kevin Flynn (as played by St. Jeff Bridges) is a computer whiz and a bit of an ass. Classic male Aquarius if you ask me. So hot. Excuse me while I fan myself and embroider Tron-related tea-towels for my hope chest. Ariel is a sweetheart of a girl but she's incredibly misguided and makes bad decisions with a smile on her face and it somehow turns out just fine in the end. Classic Aquarius. They know a lot and seem to pick up information out of the air but boy can their curiosity get them into trouble.<br />
<b>Honorable mention:</b> Mrs. Potts, Flora, Belle's Father, Mowgli, Friar Tuck<br />
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<b>As a child you fancied Arthur/Wart or Alice:</b> Dreamy Pisces. Precise details give them a miss every time but if someone was going to get lost in a dream world or bullshit squirrel world they would do the better than anybody dealing with it. These people have a strong understanding of the people around them. Very good things for a future king and future desperate housewife circa 1870. Their dreamy nature is less of an escape and more of a place of renewal. I think it's a good thing.<br />
<b>Honorable Mention:</b> Hookah-smoking caterpillar, Oliver, Grandmother Willow <br />
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That's all y'all. </div>Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17968647812236409036noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4225840718884569547.post-73545318960651117152011-06-10T13:16:00.002-04:002011-06-13T15:51:46.405-04:00Double Trouble! Continued<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I last left you, my little kittens with mittens was in the paws of Leo. I won't be doing <i>that</i> again anytime soon, I promise. We're going to continue along the zodiac with the next pair of signs and what chemical reactions happen when they're stuck in an elevator together.<br />
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You can bet your bonnet that two Virgos won't be livin' it up while they're goin' down. They'll be to busy worrying about whether they are late or not all the while wondering what Cherie Berry is really like.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>Virgo + Virgo = My Fair Lady minus Eliza<br />
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Have you ever met two people who deserved each other, but in the good way? That's Virgo and Virgo. Their finicky behaviors double up. Their cautiousness doubles up. Their sweet nature and desire to help others doubles up as well. The bad part is that Virgos who have obsessive/compulsive tendencies can start a really bad cycle together. They will rationalize each others insanity and dig themselves quite a hole. They represent the young adult stage of life. Out on your own in your early twenties experiencing the prime part of life to either break shit or start carving your niche in the world. As this pair is ruled by Mercury (which is you read back to the Gemini paring doesn't make much sense; it works with them very differently. Here Mercury works with Earth and not air. You can actually do something with some Earth. Air just gets moved around and through) so they are much more likely to take this state for all it's worth. Mercury influences their quick minds and aids them in making the best effort to get it right the first time. What do you do when it's your natural tendency to help people improve themselves and they just won't listen? What do two of those people do together? Who knows, I don't ask because I don't really want to know.<br />
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Libra + Libra = <br />
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Oh yes. I left the equals part blank on purpose. What else do you think you get when you get two people ruled by Venus (meaning they want to keep things light and pleasant, avoiding conflict like certain celebutantes avoid jail time) to solve a serious problem? What will two people who love to see all the angles an issue has to offer, then debate about the best choice and then the best time to enact the decision, (waiting for everybody involved to give input about their upcoming schedules) do to actually get together to solve a real problem? Not a lot. Two people who think the debate itself is more valuable than the actual answer can only stick together when it doesn't matter. Hey you, Libra! You lookin' for someone to get a milkshake with? Go with your fellow Libra friend and stand there in front of the cookout sign laughing about how you just can't decide which one you want. Now get that same friend and go make a real decision together. Librans represent the stage of life where one settles down with their mate, their missing piece, the other half of their baguette. They don't want to do anything alone. It'll be hell but they'll be so glad to have each other that they won't really mind.<br />
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Scorpio + Scorpio = Wait what?<br />
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It's true. They don't just meet up together under the full moon to mate then hastily retreat back to their cracks in the wall in the basement to raise their young/read ancient issues of National Geographic. But for serious folks. Scorpios are intense people ruled by mighty Pluto. They are passionate people who really don't want to surround themselves with anybody who isn't a worthwhile person who does what they say they're going to do. Scorpio represents the time of life when you are fully in adulthood, you're cougaring it up like a mofo, gettin' what you want and having a good time though not forgetting that death could take you at any time. When they get together, it's like two eagles, talons locked spinning through the sky. They will judge each other as thoroughly as they judge other people, even more so, because they'll have the distinct feeling that the other can hide just as much as they want to, and they'll be right. Once the challenges are presented and conquered they'll be all buddy-buddy like there wasn't just a hideous, almost bloody death match. Thank goodness, because it's hard to book Caesar's Palace twice in a week.<br />
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Sagittarius + Sagittarius = The picture sequence playing over the credits of The Hangover<br />
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I only have my Sagittarius rising and when I hang out with another Sag it feels like I'm on drugs. I couldn't imagine being an actual Sag hanging out with another Sag. Two people ruled by the larger-than-life planet Jupiter. Zeus/Jupiter knew how to party mang. A rip-roaring time is guaranteed and I'd suggest that anybody who considers themselves sensible will lock their doors, pull down the shades and pretend they aren't home when they come around. The Sag is in the middle of a mid-life crisis, no matter what age they are actually. The stage of life where things just aren't comfortable any longer and a big change is in order to shake things up. This pair, much like the Virgo/Virgo they will talk each other into things but here they are more than likely to be crazy, outrageous things far off in the stars. It could be something as good as running your own tiki bar in an ideal location that could really use one. It'll get off the ground like a bottle rocket but knowing their fantastic luck, it'll keep on going. Sometimes it will break the neighbors window. But still, FUN!<br />
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Capricorn + Capricorn = Watching old GOP members with no rhythm dancing to "Bad, Bad LeRoy Brown".<br />
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Ugh. I know. These two influence each other to slowly get stuffier and stuffier. They won't think it's a problem at all, until they get older. Watching a person who previously meant a lot to you slowly getting more and more infuriating and hideous each day is not good. They're not good at change but they are excellent at giving the cold shoulder. Imagine two people who hate each other. Now imagine one of them getting married and the other standing next to him as their maid of honor/best man. They're not even looking at each other but there they are, next to this person they can no longer stand, just because they both felt "obligated". Capricorn represents the retirement age. By the way some of them dress, you'd think they were already retired, despite their age. They are ruled by the iron grip of Saturn, which brings them many good qualities that could use some balancing out and lightening up. This sign blends well with someone who is conscientious but smiles easily. Capricorn blossoms in a friendship with someone who they don't have to "babysit" or worry over. There's a difference between the lack of worry with someone who is lighthearted and the lack of worry over someone who never ever changes is very different.<br />
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Aquarius + Aquarius = AQUARIUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUS!<br />
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The age of Aquarius. That's a catchy song. But yeah, these two people ruled by Uranus are incredibly unpredictable. Together they're doubly so. They don't balance each other out, nuh-uh. They just giggle together and they don't let on why. It's incredibly annoying to be around two Aquarians. They're different than most other of these pairings. When they meet, it feels so amazing it could bring their nearly icy selves to tears. They've never met anybody who is on the same wavelength as them. It feels like the sun breaking out of the clouds and they want that feeling to last as long as it's able. They are doubly brilliant, unpredictable and hilarious when they are together. The weirdness just piles sky high and they will continue to fail to notice long after slack-jawed onlookers lose interest for the next thing. This pair represents almost a second childhood that some older adults have after a long life of work and struggle. Aquarians were born to put down their briefcases, put a colander on their head and go forth and seek out the fun in life. Strikingly, mind-numbingly peculiar coincidences keep happening over and over and they fail to notice. These are the people who started watching LOST and just didn't see anything that special in it. My people.<br />
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Pisces + Pisces = The Lost Boys<br />
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Like the ones in Neverland, not Santa Carla (but nice call, I like your style and taste in Kiefer Sutherland movies). Two Pisces together bring down a Neptune-fueled fog that's not easy to get in or out of. They bring out some of the most pleasant qualities in each other that a Pisces can have. Easy-goingness, creativity. Oh the creativity. The Pisces people I know are some of the only ones that I am willing to tell people that they are an Artist with a capital A and no smirking. They really have a gift to comprehend all kinds of human nature and assure that it's equally respected and loved. Together they do just that. This sign represents the very end of life, and it's really fascinating to watch a Pisces child with that endlessly peaceful look on their face. On the bad end, this pair can sink down pretty low together. The foggy sort of feeling they get can be less from having a dreamy disposition and more chemically induced. It's super hard to drag someone out of their pit when you're in their with them. If this pair stays on the sunny side, this is a life-long friendship that will always fall right back into place even after the longest time away.</div>Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17968647812236409036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4225840718884569547.post-2759855380681145172011-06-02T12:43:00.000-04:002011-06-02T12:43:04.448-04:00It's hard out there for an Aries...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I've been an absolute neglectasaurus as far as this blog is concerned.<br />
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Naturally, I blame the current astrological forecast. Mars is in Taurus right now and if there was ever an astrological recipe for lazy, that would be it. Mix with egg and flour, bake for 14 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean, dust lightly with confectioners sugar.<br />
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Last Saturday I had the fortune to get to see my Aquarian soul-sister after nearly a year. I was so ridiculously happy. It was better than Yule-mas. We had a blast and parted with big hugs and a vow to definitely do this again. (Which if you are a girl, you know usually doesn't mean anything but this time, it was earnest.) Each sign of the zodiac acts a certain way when they meet up with someone who is in the same sign as them.Some are harmonious, some butt heads in ways that the audience of America's Funniest Home Videos could only appreciate.<br />
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Below, I cover Aries through Leo with the rest of the soul sisters and soul brothers coming soon! <br />
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<b>Aries + Aries = Musical Number</b><br />
"Anything you can do, I can do better! I can do anything better than you!"<br />
"No you can't!"<br />
"Yes I can!"<br />
Just like that, back and forth over everything. Aries, to me is the perpetual newborn of the zodiac. They do not give one flying fuck if they woke you up at 3:45AM to get something to eat and you have to be awake and peppy at work at 6:00AM. They had to have it and you are there to meet their needs. Ask someone who has given birth to twins what that was like. Yeah. Ruled by Mars, just up and startin' some shit is their national pastime. Heads will roll and they will laugh all the way. Two Aries people together can be fun if they're both in a good mood and have at least two other people tagging along so each Aries has a captive audience. Just the two of them? Good luck.<br />
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<b>Taurus + Taurus = Post Thanksgiving Nap/Football Watching</b><br />
When these two people meet, things get chill. Real quick. The stage of life they represent is the toddler. They're happy just to be around. They have smiles that will warm your heart but take them out of their comfy routine and they cry. Though they have a stubborn streak that's less of a streak and more of a fault line they usually get along harmoniously due to their ruler Venus. That planet influences them to be generally easy-going and charming. They're not likely to make a big fuss or get in each others faces because that would take too much energy. Together they will take it slow, keep it cute (or put it on mute) and generally have a nice time. <br />
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<b>Gemini + Gemini = That weird part in Watchmen with all the Doctor Manhattans feelin' up on Laurie while the main one is working on a project.</b><br />
That scene gives me the jibblies. Two Gemini's is four people! Two sets of twins. They get super bouncy when they are together and they have a marvelous time. Nobody else has a marvelous time, but they'll be too distracted to notice. They represent childhood in the wheel of life. Gemini's can be filled with new ideas and imagination but blissfully unaware about the things that happen around them everyday. Give them some space and let the magic happen. Their Mercury-guided communication will be so fluid they will almost seem to have their own secret language. They will be so happy together. Even when the evil twins get together to play the worst that will happen is they will forget to clean up after themselves.<br />
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<b>Cancer + Cancer = Small Town girl, livin' in a lonely world, took the midnight train goin' anywheeeeeeeere!</b><br />
Not that there's anything wrong with that. Here we have two emotional "tweenage"-acting people, ruled by the constantly changing Moon trying to have a good time. They will, as long as they feel secure enough to open up to each other. Hilariously, enough they have a tendency to "Mother" people. They both will have a strong connection to their Mothers, markedly stronger than most people. Cancerians have a very romantic (in the 19th century sense) sort of personality and they delight in the bizarre and the slightly macabre. If they have a falling out, which they will, it will be brief. They have so much in common that forgiveness is certain. It's much easier to wear your heart on your sleeve when you know that there will be someone standing beside you, holding your hand to block anybody who might poke at it too roughly. Pop some popcorn and watch them try to "Mother" each other, it's a sight to see.<br />
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<b>Leo + Leo = ROYAL WEDDING DRINKING GAME</b><br />
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But for serious. Ruled by the sun, represented by the "king" of the jungle, Leos are stand-outs. They can hardly bear to share the spotlight with someone else but if they must, let it at least be with another Leo. Leos represent the teenagers of the zodiac. They feel like they are in the peak of their life, invincible and most importantly they are always right. Two people who are always right and feel invincible live a fast, exalted existence which can get them into trouble that even their winning smiles can't get them out of. This pairing probably needs a chaperone, but who would want to put up with these two without getting paid for it? Beats me.<br />
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</div>Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17968647812236409036noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4225840718884569547.post-49386869738955884542011-05-21T13:03:00.002-04:002011-06-11T07:11:16.351-04:00The Redneck Aquarius<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">At last y'all! We reach my own beloved Sun Sign. I love my people but I must admit that we are some freaks. Deliciously new agey, sassy folks whose thoughts dance like lightning across the clouds. We are forward-thinking, futuristic, and possess a superficial but over-all friendly love for all of humankind. (If you are an Aquarian who doesn't feel the love, check your chart Fussy Frances, 'cause you might have some Virgo or Capricorn placements with their hands on their hips, tapping their toe impatiently as they remind you that other people are terrible, love isn't real and the moon landing was faked.)<br />
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So where the hell does this fit into the buffalo plaid bathrobe of redneckery? Well, I'll tell you...<br />
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Words like "innovation" don't really come to mind when you think of a country gentleman. The Aquarian Redneck is hard wired to think that no matter how good the instructions are, how trustworthy the instructor is that <i>they</i> can find a better way to do it. This leads to mind-bogglingly crazy looking, rigged-up weirdness around the house. Tell 'em to fix something and they'll fix it alright. It'll work just fine if you hit the button, hold it down for three seconds as you slowly turn the device clock-wise.<br />
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Does it surprise you at all that the man who broke modern country music wide open and introduced the craft to millions is an Aquarius? And does it surprise you that that same man decided to take a wild stab in the dark and create an alt-rock persona for himself and release an album. *cough* Garth Brooks *cough*<br />
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Does it surprise you that the a hard-working woman whose songs are about the crashing and burning of idealistic love is an Aquarian? Does it suprise you that this same Grammy-winning artist happily provided vocals for an episode of Squidbillies? Me neither. Long live Lucinda Williams! <br />
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These Uranus-ruled souls must do it all a little bit different than anyone else or they feel like they've half-assed it. I've felt that way before and it's borderline soul-crushing. The energy just has nowhere to go and if that energy is internalized it just leads to more and more alienating weirdness (as opposed to regular weirdness). It's a bad cycle that can push an Aquarian further and further away from reality. The Redneck Aquarius probably has their share of conspiracy theories. If they tell you that they've been abducted and probed you'd almost believe them because they seem so far-out. To keep them connected to reality, they need people around them. They don't even have to be close, just acquaintances that they don't hate to keep at arms length. Aquarians need that space to love someone and love they do (in a very hands-off, "Oh hi! I didn't see you there," sort of way).<br />
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The that arms-length Aquarian love translates for a fondness and respect for the neighbors. A Redneck Aquarius without a big front porch to fit all their friends on is a sad person indeed. They will be friendly, but definitely odd. Even a totally normal-seeming Aquarian Redneck will still have a quirk or two.They will wear a watch with the time permanently stuck at 1:37 so they will always remember when they heard about Princess Diana's death. They might prefer to arrange their albums autobiographically instead of alphabetically then have a fit like a tornado if you mess up their order. They won't stay mad long, it's not their thing.<br />
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Another caste of the Aquarian Redneck is the long hairs. The type of people who blended hippie and redneck together because when the 60s happened they were somewhere in between New York and California. Tough as nails, nastier than their Mama would ever want to know about, possibly riding a motorcycle. They want to be both part of a community (or gang, as it were) yet still be set apart from them. This is not them trying to win prestige or be the leader. They just want to be set apart and recognized for their genius. Even if the Aquarian in question is as dumb as a brick they will have moments when it's as if they reached into the future to answer your question before you even opened your mouth to ask it. You'll be like, "Damn," and they will look up at you with some chew hangin' out of their mouth, having no idea what you are talking about.<br />
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Just because I adore her and listening to her music makes me feel like I'm having a conversation with a soul sister here's one of my favorite songs by Lucinda Williams off her album Car Wheels on a Gravel Road. (One of two albums that I've actually re-bought when it broke. The other one was Bringing Down The Horse by the Wallflowers.)<br />
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</div><div style="text-align: center;">And for good measure, the anthem of the long-haired redneck by the big, the bad the inexplicably Virgo David Allan Coe.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</div>Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17968647812236409036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4225840718884569547.post-11182525409469811722011-05-16T14:00:00.002-04:002011-05-16T14:04:38.476-04:00The facebook connection. For the lovers, the dreamers and me.And now you!<br /><br />Why are there so many facebook groups about rainbows and what's on the other side?<br /><br />But for serious, this blog has a corresponding facebook group to alert you of posts and any other astrological hilarity or updates that I come across that I think are important enough to be shared!<br /><br />It's called <a class="fcb" href="https://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=group_209700039061468">Unsolicited Astrological Opinions: The Blog!</a><br /><br />Join now and be awesome!Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17968647812236409036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4225840718884569547.post-86791653462125842382011-05-16T12:57:00.011-04:002011-05-21T13:05:12.529-04:00The Redneck Sagittarius<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Woooooo-whee! We're getting to the heart of kick-butt redneckery now!<br />
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The Sagittarian Redneck has more in common with an inner city gangsta than you would think. They travel in packs. They trust no one other than themselves. They smoke more marijuana than your Dad ever did. They carry guns (hidden without a conceal carry permit or just there on their trucks gun rack).<br />
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A lady Redneck Sag (pronounced to rhyme with "badge" or "vadge") can be just as peppery and sporty as her astrological brother. Even when she's trying to sass you she still looks too adorable to get mad at. Taylor Swift comes to mind. Perennially cute and mostly harmless, until you break up with her and she writes a song about you. You can bet your ass it will be catchy too. Sucks for you! Ha ha!<br />
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Sagittarius is a mutable fire sign. They do what they wanna do, however they wanna do it and if you get burned by them you are statistically more likely to hear the "Whoooooo-oop!" of them as they ride away (in their rusted-out pick-up with a lift kit, of course) than an earnest, "Sorry". The Sag symbol is the centaur and they live up to it. Half philosopher, spouting their opinions about everything under the sun, willy nilly as if they were fact or charming your Mother, making her giggle like a schoolgirl. Half horses' ass, saying the worst possible thing to you regarding your most touchy subject.<br />
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<div style="text-align: left;">At heart, they value honesty. If you want an honest opinion, ask a Sagittarius. They mean what they say and think it's hilarious if you are offended by the truth. Fishing for compliments from the Redneck Sag is futile. My cash/money is on you hearing something you don't want to hear and knowing them, you will hear it in the most offensive way possible.</div></div></div><br />
You will want to smack them and you won't be the only one. Get in line behind their Mama, their Sisters, their 2nd Grade teacher, the guy who sells them their cigs, the regulars at whatever bar they happen to launch themselves into, their Preacher, their boyfriend, their best friend in all the world, etc.<br />
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The fact remains that the redneck Sagittarius is incredibly fun. Nobody has fun like these Jupiter-ruled scamps. We're not talking happy-go-lucky times at the Fun-n-Wheels. We're talking legendary, loud, filthy, neighbors callin' the law on you good times. Just do your damnedest to get out of there before you see the blue lights but after someone falls over and breaks the coffee table.<br />
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Getcha some of the stories of the Greek/Roman Gods. Then read about all the shit that Zeus/Jupiter pulled. It's not a stretch of the imagination to imagine the Redneck Sag pulling some of that mess on friends and loved ones, and good luck to total strangers to which they feel the least amount of obligation to.<br />
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The Grandson of Hank Williams puts it rather elegantly:<br />
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Poor Redneck Sag, it must've been them pills they took.</div></div>Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17968647812236409036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4225840718884569547.post-67227813028481602462011-05-10T22:19:00.008-04:002011-05-21T13:04:47.125-04:00The Redneck Scorpio<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">There are some people in this world who it seems were merely created to keep you on your toes. Each day with them is a wonder, a baffling labyrinth of mystery and meaning. The Redneck Scorpio is all of these things but you will never see it coming and you may not interpret exactly what has happened until years down the road.<br />
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I had the luck to have a Father who is a Scorpio <span style="font-weight: bold;">and</span> a redneck. Better still, a long-haired redneck, a biker-hippie. His sign is ruled by the rather volatile planet Mars. A run-of-the-mill Scorpio shows this daily with their amazing amount of energy and ability to contra dance around people mentally, psychologically, spiritually and have them never bat an eye. In a redneck Scorpio, these characteristics are combined with a country drawl and an impossibly genuine grin. When they're pleased with the world, you couldn't find a better companion, providing you can actually hold up your end of the conversation and have a personality that's deep enough to dive in. ('cause they're definitely diving in.) When they are not pleased with the world or you, you will know. A feeling of foreboding will choke up the room and leaving is the best option. I've never met a Scorpio, redneckfully inclined or no that would hesitate for a minute to kick your ass if you made a bad situation worse.<br />
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Scorpio is a water sign and is in particular associated with lakes and (hilariously enough) swamps. Is fishin' a serious-ass sport to these people. Oh my stars and garters is it ever! Is there another sport that offers such a tranquil setting for reflection (or drinking) as being on a boat below the night sky? My Dad one-upped the average redneck Scorp by having another interesting lake activity, hunting for arrowheads and other Native artifacts that could be found all along where they dug up the land to make B. Everett Jordan Lake. Scorpio is a fixed sign (not just stubborn here, <span style="font-weight: bold;">immovable</span>) and fixed bodies of water can really bring a deep sense of calm to them, which is a relief to them and those that they love. It may seem strange to picture water as fixed but if you can't imagine a block of ice. Redneck Scorpio can be cool like that.<br />
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Not gonna lie, a redneck Scorpio is intense. They have huge emotional range and if you see them expressing a strong emotion it's already too late to run. Most of the time, they prefer to keep in control and not have their emotions be too obvious. It's much more fun to keep a stone face and mess with your head for the sheer fun of it.<br />
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People have this association with Scorpios and sex. They nod their heads urgently all the while thinking: Scorpios are sexy, Scorpios are sex, sexy, sexy, sex." This reputation is definitely deserved. Your redneck Scorpio hit puberty so hard the Challenger exploded. (Too soon?) While their peers were out fumbling in the back seats of cars and still learning to unhook bras, Scorp was perfecting their technique of scoring babes at Molly Hatchet concerts that were old enough to buy them booze. Sneaking around with older kids, doing drugs and generally diving head-first into the seedy underbelly of the closest institution to their home was their MO as a naughty teenager. Instead of actually watching the game, the redneck Scorpio was probably busy seeing if they could get their special person to cum before "Hi Hi Yikas" was over and knowing them, they probably could.<br />
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The Scorpio love of history, secrets, mysteries, haunted places, sex, death and religion are not to be ignored. More often than not, a redneck Scorpio will express this love with their DVR and goofy-ass things they pick up at the flea market.<br />
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Do not judge them for their love of chainmail bullshit. Do not throw away their faded Black Sabbath shirt that their Momma thought she threw away years ago. Do not ask them to tell you how many people they've slept with ('cause they might tell you and you'll never feel the same about your friends, family or the UPS guy). <span style="font-weight: bold;">Do</span> tell them about how you saw this sweet-ass sword on Pawn Stars and it reminded you of him or her. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Do</span> gleefully give them a hand job at the David Allan Coe concert and expect something in return later. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Do</span> tell them that your favorite Unknown Hinson song is "I ain't afraid of your husband".<br />
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'cause they'll be able to relate.</div>Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17968647812236409036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4225840718884569547.post-61984678847727566682011-05-05T13:00:00.011-04:002011-05-21T13:06:00.468-04:00How to succeed in dating a Capricorn without really trying<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJa2SFtWHk3kjUmXN8z4Mzhk2XhXm-u-Ybw-W9mQWq9q1ZXxmtaleFEhH3vxbau5YvMVmbNHhyCubcHTmO3QGwaktWEJx7q9MRSjGhiRLUd00LlhPDY53-e2wcI8rVzocP6AY3dNFIOBc/s1600/tumblr_lg4b8q0RYE1qghkx5o1_500.gif" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><br />
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I must begin this edition of Unsolicited Astrological Opinions with a warning. I am extremely biased on this particular topic. I'm currently dating a sea-goat and he's the most fantastic man of all time. It takes a lot of my energy each day when someone says something kind about their significant other to not <a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=i%27mma+let+you+finish%2C+but">Kanye</a> the absolute fuck out of them. I know full and well if I do talking to me would be a dreadful task, so I don't. Ta dah! Problem solved.<br />
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Anyhow, I've revealed one of the biggest secrets of dating a Capricorn male. In the title. For the benefit of everyone, don't EVER chase someone who was born under a Cardinal sign. Aries, Cancer, Libra and Capricorn. If you do you will ruin their fun. Even the sweetie-pie Cancer still has a deep driven desire to impress you, hypnotize you with their personality and draw you towards them (as opposed to chasing you). Please don't ruin someone's good time 'cause then the both of you are gonna have a bad time.<br />
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Even the most cheery of Capricorns still sees that fabled "silver lining" on the clouds as being more of an "iron grey" color. How you deal with this is key. Personally, if it seems to be really significant to them I just go with it, if it's just blind pessimism I turn it around with humor. A dear friend of mine, one of the best I have, is a Capricorn. I visited her at work and she started talking about something, she was agitated and angry so I took a chance. I grabbed a sample of some healing balm, put it on my thumb and laid it on her.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJa2SFtWHk3kjUmXN8z4Mzhk2XhXm-u-Ybw-W9mQWq9q1ZXxmtaleFEhH3vxbau5YvMVmbNHhyCubcHTmO3QGwaktWEJx7q9MRSjGhiRLUd00LlhPDY53-e2wcI8rVzocP6AY3dNFIOBc/s1600/tumblr_lg4b8q0RYE1qghkx5o1_500.gif"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5603284144351116146" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJa2SFtWHk3kjUmXN8z4Mzhk2XhXm-u-Ybw-W9mQWq9q1ZXxmtaleFEhH3vxbau5YvMVmbNHhyCubcHTmO3QGwaktWEJx7q9MRSjGhiRLUd00LlhPDY53-e2wcI8rVzocP6AY3dNFIOBc/s320/tumblr_lg4b8q0RYE1qghkx5o1_500.gif" style="cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 183px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 320px;" /></a>Rafiki style! Without breaking eye-contact, I pushed her bangs aside and anointed her forehead saying, "Simba". She burst out laughing and felt much better. It's not that hard to make a friend laugh but when you're dealing with a Capricorn you're up against a little more than someone who's got a case of the "Mondays".<br />
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Capricorns are realists and empty promises are about as thrilling to them as picking out a grout cleaner. You can hardly blame someone for acting so wary, cautious and occasionally pessimistic when you notice so many people taking the worst possible path for themselves and not even caring about how the future will turn out because of it. Capricorn is a feminine sign and nearly each and every person born under it possesses the greatest personality characteristic a woman can have, which is self-preservation. Whatever horrifying, disastrous event goes down the Capricorn will have been ready for it for months, years even. They will be ready for the moments in life that are achingly beautiful and filled with joy as well for they have been preparing for those moments just as faithfully.<br />
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A Capricorn listening to Bruno Mars' "Grenade" may enjoy the energy of the music but they will spend most of the song thinking the lyrics are ridiculous (although they will totally identify with the music videos imagery of someone dragging an upright piano through the streets as a metaphor for life in general).<br />
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Love has nothing to do with sacrificing yourself or anything else but is something that is built upon and made to be stable and long lasting. No grenades allowed. Loving someone who would die for you is seriously over-rated, it's much more fun to live for someone.<br />
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That being said, if you find a Capricorn enjoy him or her for goodness sake! They're fantastic and I sure as hell am not sharing.</div>Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17968647812236409036noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4225840718884569547.post-79377645360286933402011-05-05T12:18:00.007-04:002011-05-21T13:04:17.857-04:00The Libran Redneck<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">The Libran Redneck<br />
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What first inspired me to start explaining astrological characteristics in the average country citizen was spotting a red pick-up truck. This beauty was a pleasant red Ford, a model from the early to mid 90s. The paint was perfect, not a speck of rust anywhere and on the back window an assortment of stickers. On this trapezoid-shaped window, there were two "FEAR THIS!" stickers one on each side towards the top. There were two small confederate flag stickers, about seven inches below the "FEAR THIS!" stickers. In the middle of this configuration was a large confederate flag sticker. Use your imaginations and it would look something like this.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">FEAR THIS!<span style="color: #999999;">_____________________________</span>FEAR THIS!<br />
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</div><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">CONFEDERATE FLAG!!!!<br />
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</div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: center;">FLAG!<span style="color: #999999;">__________________________________</span>FLAG!</div><br />
Say what you will about confederate flags but this clearly took some effort! There was careful thought in this placement of stickers. Only a rosy-cheeked if not altogether red in the neck sun sign Libran would take such a consideration.<br />
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A Libran redneck isn't typically the, "Oh bless her heart!" type. He or she will have very few issues with telling it to you like it is. She will tell you that your potato salad is decent but it just can't compete with her Mama's recipe but she'd be delighted to pass it onto you. You should have laid off on the mayonnaise a bit. They will be so sweet about it, you'll almost forget they just insulted you. Almost.<br />
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As a Cardinal sign, the Libran is always right. Don't argue. They are the Kings/Queens of the debate. They are extremely passionate and articulate and they <span style="font-weight: bold;">know</span> they are right. People tend to think of country folk as "backward", "close-minded" or just plain "ign'ant". Underestimating the intelligence of a redneck Libran is<span style="font-weight: bold;"> <span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span>just plain foolish, they will get you almost every time(Unless you've got the influence of some fierce signs on your side such as Scorpio or Aquarius. One for their ability to see straight through people then put them in their place. One for their ability to see straight through people and not give a flying fuck) and leave you flat on your dopey, bewildered face in the dust with nothing to remember them by but their gorgeous smile, their conservative but flattering fashion sense and they way they said, "Cute shoes! Tell your Mama 'Hi!'"<br />
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The starry-eyed romance, the pain of seeing a loved one die, the undeniable sweetness of looking at the person next to you and loving them more each day, the pride you feel when your little son or daughter says, "I'm going to grow up just like you", the taste of an ice-cold beer after a long day, all the things that country music glorifies without a hint of irony or bitterness because you've never felt that way in your life. These are things that a Libra feels with every part of their soul. There isn't an atom in their Venus-ruled body that doesn't somehow deeply vibrate with all things beautiful in this world.<br />
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Save the rabble-rousing Toby Keith for someone more rowdy. You better believe if a Libran redneck didn't dance to this song at his or her wedding, it was seriously considered, (or they were married before it was written) such is the power of this song:<br />
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For real. Mr. Travis is a sun sign Taurus, which is also ruled by Venus. Surprised? Me neither. We'll get on to the redneck Taurus in good time. There will be some overlap but not much as the earth and air in these two Venus-ruled signs really make a noticeable difference.<br />
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</div></div>That's all for now!</div>Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17968647812236409036noreply@blogger.com0