Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Feminine/Masculine Energy

How unenlightened to just divide the zodiac into the basic, boring binary of feminine and masculine energy, right? That's just how they did it, but not every sign fits so easily into these categories and not every person's gender fits well into the sign that they were born in.
It's more of a sliding scale sort of thing, isn't it?

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Be my compatabilibuddy?



One big thing that people like to know about is astrological compatibility. How do the signs get along with each other? Will we fall in love? Will we get along? Will we both try to poison each other and die at the same time? Will we meet, then find each other boring? In what order will these things happen? etc.

That depends on several factors:

Monday, February 15, 2016

Beautiful new header thanks to Day of the Doodles!

Thank you, Day of the Doodles for the beautiful new header!

Check out their etsy shop here: Day of the Doodles

I've worked with them on numerous occasions and I've never been disappointed.

Thursday, January 28, 2016

Lovey Dovey

While it's easy to dwell on the negative, every sign in the zodiac possesses some qualities that are straight up dreamy. What do people love about you and your sign?

Let's do this alphabetically, just for weirdness' sake.

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

So many feelings

Hi everybody! Some signs are way better with the whole feelings thing than others are. Duh-doy. Clouds also appear in a myriad of shapes, or so I hear. Brushing aside the obvious, let's discuss the hows and whys of how some signs appear to be emotional savants and others need flow charts, puppets and fill-in-the-blank notes to even recognize feelings.

Let's hit it!


Ouch! Not that hard.

Surprise, bitch! We're starting with Pisces this time. Eat it up Pisces friends!

Pisces people are next level when it comes to understanding emotions...just not theirs. They're natural observers and because people find them really easy to be around they tend to let their freak flags fly. Friends and strangers just sort of drop their guard when they are around the Pisces. This can lead to occasional awkwardness but they take it with a gentle smile. Their own emotions require constant filtering and processing to be manageable. They can't just let them sit there or it will make a spectacular mess.



Aquarians don't have feelings. They know that feelings are real and that other people have them but they just do not compute. We're idea people, we're great with ideas. There's a chance that if an Aquarius has a more enlightened rising sign or moon sign that they'll be somewhat more capable of dealing with emotions. Otherwise, this is what you get.



Capricorns can only deal with their own emotions. There are precisely two of them: happy and angry. Happy appears shows up wearing the mask of quiet content. Angry shows up like a war-band with pyrotechnics. They will burn down your ancestral home and salt the earth. Capricorn has no time to deal with the feelings of others. They could give a damn.



Sagittarius and emotions are comparable to a rag-tag losing hockey team who has all the spirit in the world but no talent for the game. They have so many feelings and have no idea how to express them appropriately, wisely or in ways that people can observe them and recognize the emotion. Yeah. The Sag is a little hopeless at dealing with their own issues but they're kind-hearted people and if they can help someone they will try their hardest.



Scorpio is trapped in a glass case of emotion. Just kidding! That might suggest that their emotions are transparent in any way. Haha! Their inner feelings are opaque and deep enough to dive in. They feel every emotion powerfully and they feel for others too, despite their stoic appearance. Scorpio doesn't let their emotions show in a way that would convey weakness. Even when they are crying, they never let you forget that they could kick your ass.



Libra uses emotions to manipulate. That's not always a bad thing. They use them like paints to create, change and express for themselves and others. Librans work hard to maintain a balance in their inner lives. This is essential for their happiness and health. They work their manipulative magic to make sure that those close to them remain balanced as well for the same reasons.



Virgo is fairly uncomfortable with displays of emotion that they feel are excessive. They're the moderates of the zodiac and they keep things cute and controlled. Smiles, yes. Jumping up and down, no. A few tears, yes. Ugly crying, absolutely not. Other peoples' emotions are tended to gently and thoughtfully. Would you expect any less?



Leo doesn't do so consciously, but they don't register other peoples' feelings as being as important, valid or vivid as their own. Their own emotions loom so large that those of the peasantry (everyone else) just aren't as important. They will not apologize either.


Cancer is the most expressive with their emotions of any sign. They don't give a damn about what others think, they feel all of the feelings. They are represented by the crab and their tough shell protects them from the hardest bumps. Because of this, they feel safe to truly express themselves. They are great at reading other people and supporting them.



Gemini experiences and processes their emotions swiftly. They never stay one way for long. With the more negative emotions, this works out really well. When the more positive emotions fly by and leave them a little cold, they can often go on a thrill-seeking spiral downwards. They tend to avoid dealing with other people's negative emotions but actively seek out the positive ones. They can end up being an unintentionally fair weather friend.



Taurus experiences their emotions fully and very slowly. They take a long time to heat up and an even longer time to cool down. If they are angry at you, you had best watch the fuck out. If they are happy with you, expect sweet smiles. They are good natured people and they're pretty good at helping others through their own emotions.



Aries experiences everything fast and furiously. Even when they're so happy, they could still totally slap someone. Joyfully. If they are upset, they will definitely slap you. Joyfully. Even if they just do so in their mind. Other people's emotions only exist if they stand in the way of the Aries getting what they want. They will be brushed aside. Snap.


Wednesday, December 30, 2015

The tumblr'd and the dead

It's possible that you too are a rabid internet connoisseur and you've seen images listing different zodiac signs, perhaps dividing them into "squads". Personally, I find these to be hilarious and entertaining. I love it when they take something super specific and then proceed to list 8 out of the 12 signs of the zodiac as belonging to that squad.

Did I lose you? Have some samples:


This one is pretty damn accurate.

Saturday, December 19, 2015

Inertia is a property of matter and a pain in the ass

Anybody can get stuck in a rut. It's one of the easiest things in the world. Getting out of a slump of a rut is the hard part. Some of us thrash around wildly, trying to free ourselves from the sticky muck of life. Some of us give in and let the muck take us. It could be worse, we think. Each sign deals with these feelings differently and it can take a special strategy to get out of the rut.


Thursday, December 10, 2015

Earth! Fire! Wind! Water! Heart! With your powers combined, this is a post.

Each sign has an "element" that goes with it. Earth, Fire, Air and Water. Each sign among them is paired with a sort of energy. Fixed energy is akin to potential energy. A person under a fixed sign is more than just stubborn, when their mind is made up they are immovable.  Cardinal energy is more like kinetic energy. A person under a cardinal sign is very busy. Very busy telling you what to do, mainly. Mutable energy is a bit more of a wild card. A person under a mutable sign doesn't mind giving and taking in interactions. They're okay with being the one who tells others what to do as well as taking orders occasionally.

These different energy types match with an element in each sign. Each match gives a sign it's main characteristics that are the backbone of its personality. I usually just talk mess about the signs, so I promise to say at least once nice thing about each sign this time.


Wednesday, December 2, 2015

It's complicated

Remember the unintentional hilarity of "it's complicated" as a relationship status? It could be just me, but I found it to be hilarious. Complex and vague relationships are definitely in vogue. Who or what are you involved with that gives you mixed feelings? Here's a list of possibilities, based on your Sun sign...

Thursday, November 26, 2015

Quick 'n' Dirty Holiday Gift Guide

Shopping season is upon us and it's time to start picking out that special gift for your loved ones. Some people are just flat out easy to shop for. You take them to a place just to "look around" they they just go straight to whatever they're interested in, pick it up and tell you about it. Mental notes are taken, and you're practically done. Some people are really hard to shop for. For whatever reason, you just don't know what the hell they want and a gift card just seems so impersonal. Here's a guide to gift-giving for each sign. Hell, I'll even break it down by price range.
Let's hit it!

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Return of the Queen and Break-up Astrology

It's been an age. I went back to school, finished my degree in Special Education, scored the job of my dreams, scored the apartment my dreams and then broke up with the Capricorn that pretty much changed my mind about Capricorns. I am simultaneously the best and the worst.

I plan to continue and finish the Redneck Zodiac series. I've met a lot more in the past few years so I have a plethora of material to work with.

I did my first personal consultation last night for free (I'm really not good enough to charge anything, but my co-worker got a lot out of it and I was greeted with the highest of fives when I ran into him today.) I may consider branching towards that in the future but for now my sassy opinions are for free.

Let's get right to it!

Break-up Astrology! What to expect when you break up with them or when they break up with you! 

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

A lack of composure. No excuses.

In the past whiles I've limited my ramblings to mainly live performances (most often with a margarita in hand). Recently, I've felt the need to get back to typing it out and expressing myself with only the gentle clacking of my fingers on the keyboard.

That being said! Mercury is in retrograde! (findyourfate.com has a color-coded calendar that I recommend. The retrograde days are marked in OH SHIT red so you can prepare to pee your pants in uncomfortable silence in advance.) What the hell am I or anyone else thinking by re-starting or beginning anew in ANY pursuit related to communication of any sort?

I've perhaps jumped ahead a little. The planet Mercury is the ruler of Gemini and represents communication, messages from far away, technology and swift energy that rides along the surface of an idea never quite plunging into the dark depths of understanding but creating enough buzz and confidence to assure a certain type of competence to an observer.

A retrograde occurs when a planet appears to move backwards across the sky from Earth. Other planets go through a similar transition but the one that gets the most press is Mercury. Why?

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

The spark

I acknowledge that I've had quite a hiatus from writing. For those who have missed it I'm sorry. It's an unfortunate side effect of being incredibly happy. The happier I am, the less I have to say. Oops. I'm currently worried about work and admitting that I don't have a diploma because I couldn't afford to buy it or pay the licensing board the fee to finish my degree in the first place. It feels good to write it. It's embarrassing but there it is.

I'm going to write more until I no longer feel like it, which is as close to a promise as I've ever made. Taking on the moon signs was ambitious, considering I've not even finished the redneck zodiac. Wrapping that up is my first project.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

The Redneck Capricorn

oly balls guys, have y'all heard about the planet Saturn? Saturn is a hell of a planet. He's "Father Time" the crotchety old man informing you that somehow you are spoiled with all these modern gadgets as well as being miserably unfortunate to not have lived through the "good old days". There is a feeling of restriction and not being able to do exactly whatever you want but being free to get whatever it is you truly need.

There happen to be a surplus of Capricorn Rednecks in the world. Some are so backward they don't want their little women working after they get married or their children dancing to that renegade Billy Ray Cyrus.

The Redneck Pisces

Come with me now. Dig, if you will, the picture. You are walking through what used to be a Roses but has now turned into a permanent flea market. There are rough and shady characters admiring "authentic replica" samurai swords with Confederate flags on them. There are barefoot, sticky-handed children tearing up and down the labyrinthine aisles. You spy a middle-aged couple tenderly holding hands in front of a table. You sidle up next to them to see what is capturing their attention. These two dreamy-eyed lovers are admiring several dream-catchers with dyed blue and purple feathers and tie-dyed t-shirts with howling wolves and dolphins drifting through space.

You have found the lair of the Redneck Pisces. Obvious exits are West, South and an indoor hot-dog stand/sno cone machine. What will you do?

The flippin' moon, y'all.

Chances are, your first astronomical encounter was out in your back yard (if you were lucky enough to have one) gazing skyward at the moon. There are few things that I could look at so intently at that young age. Everybody has a moon sign that corresponds to where the moon was during the moment of your birth. At the particular moment I was born, the moon was ghost ridin' tha whip through the sign of Gemini.

I often notice that my emotions are sharply divided. There's a shade of me that almost is watching me like a fly on the wall, reading my reactions to people, analyzing the way I feel, putting a serial number on it and filing it away to process later. The me that is actually there, would have flounced away several sentences before, cheerfully moving onto an easier thing to deal with. I get myself worked up a bit emotionally and chances are before I've breathed a word about it to another soul I've already dismissed it as being petty and surely just my imagination. I deal with the real, painful, swollen red emotions all by myself. It's only the small stuff that I talk about over and over again, forgetting that I've already told the tale before. Fuckin' Moon in Gemini. They say that "Lunar Geminis" have a way with words. Hilariously enough, I was born with a birthmarks on each arm (Arms are naturally ruled by Gemini along with the hands and shoulders and lungs. There are two of each! See what they did there!?) that are arranged in such a way they look like the constellation Cassiopeia. Cassiopeia in Greek means "She whose words excel". When I put all that together I burst out laughing.

Now that I've told my story, I'll be getting on going through my personal interpretation of the Moon signs as well as recommending some decent places to get a free Natal Chart that one can make sense of.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

A scream is a wish your heart makes!

It is a truth universally acknowledged that as a silly girl who loved Disney movies as a child must have had an absurd crush on a character. I'm an idealist with long eye-lashes who throws the word "love" around on the daily like the word "concerned" is thrown around a PTA meeting. Deal with it.

For those who follow their hearts and know that love conquers all, take a note from your childhood self. You may have been giving yourself a helpful hint about the sort of person you'd be looking for in the future. From one person who watched Pocahontas and wondered what was so wrong with Kocoum to another, enjoy your Disneyfied trip through the zodiac.


Friday, June 10, 2011

Double Trouble! Continued

I last left you, my little kittens with mittens was in the paws of Leo. I won't be doing that again anytime soon, I promise. We're going to continue along the zodiac with the next pair of signs and what chemical reactions happen when they're stuck in an elevator together.

You can bet your bonnet that two Virgos won't be livin' it up while they're goin' down. They'll be to busy worrying about whether they are late or not all the while wondering what Cherie Berry is really like.




Thursday, June 2, 2011

It's hard out there for an Aries...

I've been an absolute neglectasaurus as far as this blog is concerned.

Naturally, I blame the current astrological forecast. Mars is in Taurus right now and if there was ever an astrological recipe for lazy, that would be it. Mix with egg and flour, bake for 14 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean, dust lightly with confectioners sugar.

Last Saturday I had the fortune to get to see my Aquarian soul-sister after nearly a year. I was so ridiculously happy. It was better than Yule-mas. We had a blast and parted with big hugs and a vow to definitely do this again. (Which if you are a girl, you know usually doesn't mean anything but this time, it was earnest.) Each sign of the zodiac acts a certain way when they meet up with someone who is in the same sign as them.Some are harmonious, some butt heads in ways that the audience of America's Funniest Home Videos could only appreciate.

Below, I cover Aries through Leo with the rest of the soul sisters and soul brothers coming soon!


Saturday, May 21, 2011

The Redneck Aquarius

At last y'all! We reach my own beloved Sun Sign. I love my people but I must admit that we are some freaks. Deliciously new agey, sassy folks whose thoughts dance like lightning across the clouds. We are forward-thinking, futuristic, and possess a superficial but over-all friendly love for all of humankind. (If you are an Aquarian who doesn't feel the love, check your chart Fussy Frances, 'cause you might have some Virgo or Capricorn placements with their hands on their hips, tapping their toe impatiently as they remind you that other people are terrible, love isn't real and the moon landing was faked.)

So where the hell does this fit into the buffalo plaid bathrobe of redneckery? Well, I'll tell you...