The Redneck Aquarius

At last y'all! We reach my own beloved Sun Sign. I love my people but I must admit that we are some freaks. Deliciously new agey, sassy folks whose thoughts dance like lightning across the clouds. We are forward-thinking, futuristic, and possess a superficial but over-all friendly love for all of humankind. (If you are an Aquarian who doesn't feel the love, check your chart Fussy Frances, 'cause you might have some Virgo or Capricorn placements with their hands on their hips, tapping their toe impatiently as they remind you that other people are terrible, love isn't real and the moon landing was faked.)

So where the hell does this fit into the buffalo plaid bathrobe of redneckery? Well, I'll tell you...

The facebook connection. For the lovers, the dreamers and me.

And now you!

Why are there so many facebook groups about rainbows and what's on the other side?

But for serious, this blog has a corresponding facebook group to alert you of posts and any other astrological hilarity or updates that I come across that I think are important enough to be shared!

It's called Unsolicited Astrological Opinions: The Blog!

Join now and be awesome!

The Redneck Sagittarius

Woooooo-whee! We're getting to the heart of kick-butt redneckery now!

The Sagittarian Redneck has more in common with an inner city gangsta than you would think. They travel in packs. They trust no one other than themselves. They smoke more marijuana than your Dad ever did. They carry guns (hidden without a conceal carry permit or just there on their trucks gun rack).

The Redneck Scorpio

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How to succeed in dating a Capricorn without really trying

I must begin this edition of Unsolicited Astrological Opinions with a warning. I am extremely biased on this particular topic. I'm currently dating a sea-goat and he's the most fantastic man of all time. It takes a lot of my energy each day when someone says something kind about their significant other to not Kanye the absolute fuck out of them. I know full and well if I do talking to me would be a dreadful task, so I don't. Ta dah! Problem solved.

Anyhow, I've revealed one of the biggest secrets of dating a Capricorn male. In the title. For the benefit of everyone, don't EVER chase someone who was born under a Cardinal sign. Aries, Cancer, Libra and Capricorn. If you do you will ruin their fun. Even the sweetie-pie Cancer still has a deep driven desire to impress you, hypnotize you with their personality and draw you towards them (as opposed to chasing you). Please don't ruin someone's good time 'cause then the both of you are gonna have a bad time.

Just don't do it. K?

The Libran Redneck

The Libran Redneck

What first inspired me to start explaining astrological characteristics in the average country citizen was spotting a red pick-up truck. This beauty was a pleasant red Ford, a model from the early to mid 90s. The paint was perfect, not a speck of rust anywhere and on the back window an assortment of stickers. On this trapezoid-shaped window, there were two "FEAR THIS!" stickers one on each side towards the top. There were two small confederate flag stickers, about seven inches below the "FEAR THIS!" stickers. In the middle of this configuration was a large confederate flag sticker. Use your imaginations and it would look something like this.

Welcome! I hope you're doing well. I look forward to sharing my opinions about all 12 of the beautiful astrological signs that the sun passes through. 13 signs if you take recent findings into account. I've known about the 13th sign for years, I call it Fuckattarius.

I look forward to filling the internet with more mess than it can handle and educating all you fine people on all the things many brilliant, and worthwhile Astrological texts fail to mention that you may find handy in real life. Things like:

• How to identify a Libran Redneck
• Why dating a Capricorn is the shit
• How come that Pisces dude keeps looking at me like he's going to eat me. (Hint, Mars in Scorpio is a hell of a placement).

Y'all get excited, 'cause here we go!